


The Tragedy of Othello, the Troll of Venice

by Eclaire-de-Lune (RoyalHeather)



Series: Shakespearestuck [5]
Category: Homestuck, Othello - Shakespeare
Genre: Betrayal, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Lies, M/M, just all-around villainy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-01 18:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2782436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalHeather/pseuds/Eclaire-de-Lune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shakespearestuck is back, and this time we're taking on the ultimate tale of machinations and betrayal, Othello. Watch a jealous soldier utterly mess up her commanding officer's life and cause the deaths of multiple people, all because she didn't get the promotion she wanted! Starring Gamzee Makara as the tragically-flawed Othello, Roxy Lalonde as the ever-innocent Desdemona, and Vriska Serket as the conniving, scheming Iago.</p><p>Also, Dave Strider is Bianca the courtesan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Cast

[NAMES OF THE ACTORS

OTHELLO, the indigoblood, leader of the Venetian armed forces [TC]  
DESDEMONA, wife to Othello [TG]  
BRABANTIO, father to Desdemona [CT]  
CASSIO, an honorable lieutenant [CA]  
IAGO, a villain [AG]  
EMILIA, wife to Iago [GA]  
RODERIGO, a gulled gentleman [EB]  
BIANCA, a courtesan [TG]  


DUKE OF VENICE [CC]  
MONTANO, Governor of Cyprus [GC]  
LODOVICO, a noble Venetian [AC]  
GRATIANO, a noble Venetian [AA]  


OFFICERS, SENATORS, CLOWN, MESSENGER, MUSICIANS, GENTLEMEN, SAILORS, ATTENDANTS, ETC.

SCENE: Venice and Cyprus]


	2. Act I, Scene 1

I.1 Enter Roderigo [EB] and Iago [AG].

EB: no, don’t tell me, i don’t want to hear about it!  
EB: i mean it’s bad enough you spend all my money but this is just rubbing it in.  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat? Dude, just listen to me! I swear it’s fine.  
EB: you said you hated him.  
AG: I h8 him SO FUCKING MUCH. Three – THREE – no8lemen of the city went and personally talked to him, asking him to make me his lieutenant, which honestly is a position I deserve, 8ut what does this asshole do? Talks a lot of shit a8out the military and says he’s already picked his officer! So who does he choose? Some idiot who knows more a8out picking out outfits than any actual fighting! Michael Cassio.  
AG: God, I haven’t even met him and he still sounds like a complete washed-up nerd. I 8et he only knows a8out fighting from 8ooks and shit – unlike, of course, me. Me, who fought 8eside Othello in Cyprus and Rhodes and like a million other places! Cassio gets to 8e lieutenant, and I’m stuck 8eing the stupid flag-8earer.  
EB: wow, that sucks.  
EB: i’d rather be his hangman.  
AG: I know right????????  
AG: 8ut there’s nothing I can do a8out it. That’s what's lame a8out 8eing in the army, you get promoted when some8ody likes you, not when you’re actually comp8ent at your fucking jo8.  
AG: So anyway, do you think I should 8e loyal to Othello? 8ecause I sure don’t.  
EB: if you don’t like him, just quit.  
AG: Nah, that’s too easy. I’m going to keep serving him just so I can get my r8v8ng8. I’m not one of those dum8 servants who keeps working until they’re too old to function and just gets shot. I’m just pretending to 8e loyal, 8ut really this is all for my own advantage! Watch, I’m definitely going to come out of all this on top, as sure as your name’s Roderigo. And the day my outward actions show what I’m really feeling inside is the day I wear my heart on my sleeve for 8irds to peck at.   
AG: I am not what I am.  
EB: boy, goat-horns really is lucky if he can pull this off!  
AG: Hey, yell at her father, wake him up. Let’s ruin this poor 8astard’s night!  
EB: here’s her father’s house, i’ll call aloud.  
AG: Do it, reeeeeeeeally loudly! Like the city’s on fire!  
EB: HEY, BRABANTIO! SIGNIOR BRABANTIO!  
AG: 8ra8antio, wake up! Thieves! Thieves! Look to your house, your daughter, and your 8ags!  
AG: THIEVES!  
Enter Brabantio [CT], above.  
CT: D --> What is the reason for this terrible summons  
CT: D --> What is the matter there  
EB: sir, is all your family within?  
AG: Are your doors locked?  
CT: D --> Why, wherefore you ask this  
AG: You’ve 8een ro88ed! Get dressed, you old loser! Your daughter’s getting fucked 8y a goat right this second! If you don’t ring the 8ell and wake up all the citizens, you’re going to have fucked-up little satyr grand8a8ies!  
AG: Get the hell up!  
CT: D --> First of all I need a towel  
CT: D --> Secondly, have you lost your wits  
EB: don’t you recognize me?  
CT: D --> Not I  
CT: D --> Who are you  
EB: my name is roderigo.  
CT: D --> You are not welcome here  
CT: D --> I already told you my daughter is not for you  
CT: D --> And now you come here full of drunkenness and 100d language to disturb my sleep  
EB: but sir –  
CT: D --> You must know I have the STRENGTH to make you pay for this  
EB: patience, good sir.  
CT: D --> Why are you talking about robbery  
CT: D --> This is Venice, not the countryside  
EB: mr. brabantio, i’m really trying to talk to you –  
AG: Oh my Gooooooood, just shut up! Aren’t you listening to a word I’m saying? We’re trying to HELP you, and you keep 8la88ering on and on and on!  
AG: Fine, don’t listen to us! It’s not our fault if you let some gross goat dude clim8 all over your daughter. Hope you like having sheep for relatives!  
CT: D --> I must insist you stop using such language immediately  
AG: I’m just telling it like it is!  
AG: Your daughter and the indigo8lood are making the 8east with two 8acks.   
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Desist at once  
AG: Up yours!  
CT: D --> Both of you will pay for this  
EB: sir, i will answer anything!  
EB: but please, if you really care about your daughter, listen to what i’m saying! she left the house in the middle of the night with this troll to do all sorts of gross things. if you already knew about this and approved, then we totally fucked up. but if not, you really shouldn’t be getting mad at us.  
EB: i wouldn’t joke around with you like this!  
EB: your daughter really did run away with some stranger. go check and see if she’s in her bedroom, and if she is, take me to court for lying.  
CT: D --> Strike the tinder, light the candles, call up all my people  
CT: D --> I fear this is true  
CT: D --> Also I tr001y do need a towel  
Exit above.  
AG: Well, Roderigo, I’ve got to go for now. Wouldn’t do to make it look like I was working against the indigo8lood! Unfortunately, the government still needs him for the war against Cyprus, so they won’t 8e getting rid of him any time soon, and I’ve still got to pretend to 8e nice to him.  
AG: You’ll find Othello at the Capricorn Inn, and I’ll 8e there too. See ya!  
Exit. Enter Brabantio [CT], with servants and torches.  
CT: D --> It is too true an evil  
CT: D --> She’s gone  
CT: D --> Roderigo, where did you see her  
CT: D --> Oh, unhappy girl  
CT: D --> With the indigob100d  
CT: D --> How did you know it was her  
CT: D --> Wake everyone up  
CT: D --> Do you know if they are married  
EB: um, i think so.  
CT: D --> How did she get out, by heaven  
CT: D --> Fathers, from now on never trust your daughters’ minds even if they act youthf001 and innocent  
CT: D --> Do you think he used magic to lead her astray  
EB: i couldn’t say.  
CT: D --> Call my brother  
CT: D --> Now I wish you’d married her  
CT: D --> Where can we find her and the  
CT: D --> Hrrrk  
CT: D --> Indigob100d  
EB: i think i know where he is, just get some guards and follow me.  
CT: D --> Lead on  
CT: D --> I will provide the men 

Exeunt.


	3. Act I, Scene 2

I.2 Enter Othello [TC], Iago [AG], and Attendants with torches.

AG: I mean, I’ve killed plenty of people in the wars, 8ut I would never actually murder someone, you know? Otherwise I would have sta88ed that guy 8 times under the ri8s.  
TC: NaH, iT'S AlL Up aNd fOr tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg gOoD YoU DiDn't.  
AG: Really? You should have heard the way he talked! Man, that guy just 8la88ered on and on and kept insulting you. It was really, really hard for me not to sta8 him.  
AG: Oh, 8y the way, are you married? 8ecause 8ra8antio’s really got it out for you, and the duke listens to him. She’ll totally fuck you over if you’re not careful.  
TC: LeT HiM Do wHaT He mOtHeRfUcKiNg wIlL. i'vE DoNe mOrE FoR OuR DuKe tHaN He cOuLd eVeR GeT HiS MoThErFuCkInG WhInE On aBoUt.  
TC: BeSiDeS, iF It wErEn’t fOr mY SwEeT GiRl dEsI I WoUlD Be aLl uP AnD AvOiDiNg cApTuRe lIkE A MoThErFuCkInG SlIpPeRy eEl.  
TC: HeYyY, wHaT ArE ThOsE MoThErFuCkInG LiGhTs aLl uP AnD BeInG?  
AG: Oh, that’s 8ra8antio and his friends. You’d 8etter go inside.  
TC: No, LeT ThEm bE AlL Up aNd fInDiNg mE. i aIn’t gOt nOtHiNg tO HiDe.  
AG: Wait, I don’t think that’s them after all.  
Enter Cassio [CA], and certain Officers [TT] with torches.  
TC: ThE SeRvAnTs oF ThE DuKe aNd mY LiEuTeNaNtS!  
TC: ThE GoOdNeSs oF ThE MoThErFuCkInG NiGhT Be aLl uP AnD WiTh yOu, My fInE BrOs. AnY NeWs?  
CA: hey boss  
CA: the duke wwants to see you immediately  
TC: WhAt FoR?  
CA: somethin to do wwith cyprus  
CA: theres already been like a dozen messengers an the wwhole councils at the dukes  
CA: evveryones been lookin for you but you wwerent at home  
TC: AwWwW ShIt. OkAy, GiVe mE A SeCoNd iNsIdE AnD ThEn i wIlL Be aLl uP AnD WiTh yOu iN A MoThErFuCkInG JiFfY.  
Exit.  
CA: wwhat the hell is he doin out here  
AG: Let’s just say tonight he’s 8oarding a ship, and that he’s looking for 8ooty. :::;)  
CA: i dont get it  
AG: Sex.  
CA: no shit  
CA: wwith who   
Enter Othello [TC].  
AG: With – hey, Captain, are you coming?  
TC: GeT oN wItH yOu.  
CA: here comes more people lookin for you  
AG: This time it’s really 8ra8antio, and he’s pissed at you.  
Enter Brabantio [CT], Roderigo [EB], and Officers with torches and weapons.  
TC: HeY, mY bRoThErS.  
EB: sir, it’s the indigoblood.  
CT: D --> Down with the thief  
They draw on both sides.  
AG: You, Roderigo! Come at me!  
TC: WhOa, HeY, lEt’s bE PuTtInG Up aLl tHeSe mOtHeRfUcKiNg sWoRdS. sIgNiOr, YoU Be aLl uP AnD CoMmAnDiNg mOrE WiTh yOuR MoThErFuCkInG YeArS ThAn yOuR WeApOnS.  
CT: D --> You foul thief, where have you stowed my daughter  
CT: D --> Have you put some kind of spell on her, you monster  
CT: D --> She would never have gone with such a loathsome creature as you otherwise  
CT: D --> Seize him  
TC: HoLd yOuR HaNdS, mY MoThErFuCkInG BrOtHeRs, I Be aLl kNoWiNg wHeN It’s tImE To mOtHeRfUcKiNg fIgHt.  
TC: WhErE ArE YoU Up aNd tAkInG Me?  
CT: D --> To prison, until your trial  
TC: Oh mAn bRo, BuT If i gO WiTh yOu wE ArE GoInG To bE AlL Up iN A MoThErFuCkInG PiCkLe.  
TC: WhAt aM I SuPpOsEd tO SaY To tHe dUkE’S MeSsEnGeRs, WhO ArE RiGhT HeRe gEtTiNg aLl aNtSy tO BrInG Me tO HeR SiDe?  
TT: It’s true, worthy signior. The duke’s in council, and Othello is sent for.  
CT: D --> Then I will just go with you  
CT: D --> This is a crisis most urgent and as important as any problems of state

Exeunt.


	4. Act I, Scene 3

I.3 Enter Duke [CC], Senators [CG], [AT], and Officers [TT] with lights.

CC: W)(ale, t)(ese reports are not very conc)(istent, to say the least.  
CG: YEAH, THE NUMBERS ARE ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. MINE SAYS A HUNDRED AND SEVEN SHIPS.  
CC: And mine a )(undred and forty.  
AT: aND MINE, TWO HUNDRED,  
AT: tHE ONE THING THEY ALL CONFIRM, IS THAT A tURKISH FLEET, IS COMING TO cYPRUS,,  
CC: I t)(ink in t)(is case the spacifics mig)(t be off, but t)(e general meaning is correct, and if I mig)(t say so, pretty fucking alarming.  
Sailor [GT] within.  
GT: What ho! What ho! What ho!  
Enter Sailor.  
TT: A messenger from the galleys.  
CC: W)(at is it?  
GT: The turkish preparation makes for rhodes. So was i bid to report here to the state by signor angelo.   
CC: Opinions, gentletrolls?  
CG: THEY’RE TOTALLY FUCKING FAKING. THIS IS SOME KIND OF TRICK TO KEEP US DISTRACTED AND FOCUSED ON RHODES WHILE THEY SNEAK UP ON US HERE AT CYPRUS.   
CG: THIS CITY’S LIKE, THE MAIN FUCKING THING THEY’VE BEEN FIGHTING FOR, IT’S THEIR NUMBER ONE STRATEGIC POINT. LIKE HELL THEY’RE GOING TO JUST GIVE THAT UP, ESPECIALLY FOR FUCKING *RHODES*.  
CC: I agree, t)(ey’re not )(eading for R)(odes.   
TT: Here is more news.  
Enter a Messenger [GG].  
GG: The Turks heading towards Rhodes have joined up with another fleet.  
CG: HOW MANY OF THEM ARE THERE?  
GG: Thirty, and they’re turning back and heading towards Cyprus. Signora Montano says so, and demands you believe her.  
CC: It’s definitely Cyprus t)(ey’re after. W)(ere’s Marcus Luccicos?  
CG: FLORENCE.  
CC: Write to )(im of t)(is IMM-EDIAT-ELY!  
CG: OH, FUCK. HERE COMES THAT ASSHOLE BRABANTIO AND THE VALIANT INDIGOBLOOD.  
Enter Brabantio [CT], Othello [TC], Cassio [CA], Iago [AG], Roderigo [EB], and Officers.  
CC: Ot)(ello, we need you rig)(t away to fig)(t against the Turks!  
CC: O)(, )(ey, Brabantio, I didn’t see you. We missed your counsel tonig)(t.  
CT: D --> Worthy madam, and I yours  
CT: D --> I beg your pardon, but it is not government matters that have roused me from bed at so late an hour, but rather an e%treme and terrible grief  
CC: W)(at’s wrong?  
CT: D --> My daughter  
CC: D-EAD?  
CT: D --> Ay, to me  
CT: D --> She is abused, stolen from me, and corrupted by spells and 100d witchcraft, since she w00ld never have done this on her own  
CC: W)(o did t)(is? W)(oever t)(ey are, you )(ave full rig)(ts to bring t)(em w)(atever punis)(ment you c)(oose.  
CT: D --> Humbly I thank your grace  
CT: D --> Here is the troll, this indigob100d  
CT: D --> Who it seems your state affairs has hither brought  
AT: oHHH, SHIT,,  
CC: Ot)(ello, w)(at do you )(ave to say for yourshellf?   
CT: D --> He has nothing to say  
TC: My fInE LaDiEs aNd gEnTlEtRoLlS Of tHe cOuNcIl, ThErE Is a bEaD Of mOtHeRfUcKiNg rIgHtEoUs tRuTh tO ThIs oLd mAn’s sToRyTeLlInG. i dId aLl uP AnD StEaL AwAy wItH HiS DaUgHtEr, AnD I MoThErFuCkInG MaRrIeD HeR, bUt tHaT’S ThE ExTeNt oF My mOtHeRfUcKiNg oFfEnSe.  
TC: I Be aLl uP AnD KnOwInG ThAt i aIn’t tHe sMoOtHeSt tAlKiNg oF MoThErFuCkErS, gOt nO FaMiLiArItY WiTh wOrDs oF PeAcE.  
TC: ThEsE MoThErFuCkInG ArMs oF MiNe bEeN HoLdInG A SwOrD SiNcE I WaS ThReE SwEePs oLd, AnD I’Ve bEeN SlIcInG MoThErFuCkErS Up oN ThE BaTtLeFiElD LiKe tHeRe wErEn’t nO ToMoRrOw. I CaN’T Be tAlKiNg aLl fAnCy lIkE YoU FoLkS Of tHiNgS ThAt aIn’t mOtHeRfUcKiNg bLoOdShEd, BuT FuCk mE If i aIn’t gOiNg tO Do mY MoThErFuCkInG BeSt tO TeLl yOu oF ThE MoThErFuCkInG MiRaClE ChUcKlEvOoDoOs tHaT I UsEd tO WiN HiS DaUgHtEr.  
CT: D --> My daughter is a maiden never bold, of spirit so still and quiet she blushed at herself  
CT: D --> And you think she c001d fall in love with something like him  
CT: D --> It is against all nature  
CT: D --> I repeat again that sorcery must be at work  
CC: We need more proof t)(an just your word.  
CG: OTHELLO, TALK. DID YOU FUCKING DRUG THIS GIRL INTO LOVING YOU, OR DID IT HAPPEN LIKE A GODDAMNED MIRACLE OF NATURE AND TRUE SOULS?  
TC: WhY DoN’T YoU Be aLl sEnDiNg fOr tHe lAdY In tHe cApRiCoRn sO ShE CaN Be uP AnD SpEaKiNg fOr hErSeLf? If sHe sPeAkS MoThErFuCkInG FoUl oF Me, ThEn yOu cAn tAkE AwAy mY TrUsT, mY OfFiCe, AnD My mOtHeRfUcKiNg lIfE.  
CC: Fetc)( Desdemona )(it)(er.  
TC: AnCiEnT, yOu uP AnD Go wItH ThEm, YoU KnOw hOw tO MoThErFuCkInG GeT ThErE.  
Exit two or three Officers with Iago.  
TC: AnD UnTiL ShE CoMeS, lEt mE MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu hOw i dId tHrIvE In tHiS FaIr lAdY’S LoVe, AnD ShE In mInE.  
CC: Say it, Ot)(ello.   
TC: HeR FaThEr mOtHeRfUcKiNg aLl uP AnD AdOrEd mE, iNvItEd mE OvEr, HaD Me tElL ThE BiOgRaPhY Of mY MoThErFuCkInG LiFe fRoM YeAr tO YeAr, AlL ThEsE BaTtLeS ThAt mAkE A MoThErFuCkEr sCaRrEd aNd uGlY, mOtHeRfUcKiNg mIrAcUlOuS EsCaPeS, mOvInG AcCiDeNtS By fLoOd aNd fIeLd, HaIrBrEaDtH EsCaPeS FrOm tHe iMmInEnT DeAdLy bReAcH.  
TC: HeLl, I EvEn gOt uP AnD MoThErFuCkInG SoLd iNtO SlAvErY.  
TC: BuT I GoT MoThErFuCkInG FrEeD AnD WeNt oN AdVeNtUrEs tHrOuGh bItChTiTs aMaZiNg lAnDs lIkE YoU MoThErFuCkErS NeVeR DrEaMeD Of, RoCkS As tAlL As tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg sKy aNd tHeSe fReAkY-AsS PeOpLe wItH HeAdS ThAt gRoW BeNeAtH ThEiR ShOuLdErS.  
TC: DeSdEmOnA WaS AlL Up aNd lIsTeNiNg iN On mY MoThErFuCkInG TaLeS, eVeN WhEn sHe hAd a tHoUsAnD AnD OnE HoUsEhOlD AfFaIrS To bE AtTeNdInG To. ShIt, SoOn i wAs tElLiNg tHe sToRiEs rIgHt tO HeR. mOtHeRfUcKiNg pIoUs lItTlE LaDy wAs aLl uP AnD PrAyInG FoR Me, AnD EvEn sTaRtEd cRyInG At tHe rEaL SaD PaRtS.  
TC: AnD ThEn sHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg kIsSeD Me.  
TC: ShE SwOrE It wAs sTrAnGe, WaS MoThErFuCkInG StRaNgE, wAs pItIfUl, WaS MoThErFuCkInG PiTiFuL, aNd sHe wIsHeD ShE HaDn’t hEaRd iT BuT WaS AlL Up aNd tHaNkInG HeAvEn tHaT It’d mAdE HeR SuCh a tRoLl.  
TC: ShE MoThErFuCkInG LoVeD Me fOr tHe dAnGeRs i hAd pAsSeD, aNd i mOtHeRfUcKiNg lOvEd hEr tHaT ShE DiD PiTy tHeM. tHaT’S ThE OnLy mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAgIc i uSeD, mY BrOs.  
TC: AwWwW HeLl, HeRe cOmEs tHe lAdY NoW. lIsTeN To hEr.  
Enter Desdemona [TG], Iago [AG], and Attendants.  
CC: I t)(ink t)(is tale would win my daug)(ter too. Brabantio, I’d say stop now before you dig yourself any deeper.  
CT: D --> Your grace, I pray you hear her speak  
CT: D --> If she confesses she was half the wooer, then  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Must suffer destru%ion on my own head  
CT: D --> Desdemona, come here  
CT: D --> Do you perceive in all this noble company where most you owe obedience?  
TG: aw dad u got me all caught up betwxt 2 noble duties  
TG: i mean u raised me and educated me an I owe you tons  
TG: but like  
TG: this fine piece of troll here is my hubbie  
TG: and just like mom preferred u to her father im gonna have to pick him  
CT: D --> I am done  
CT: D --> Come here, indigob100d  
CT: D --> I give you my daughter, although I wish I did not have to  
CC: Brabantio, really, t)(is is the best case scenario. Don’t dwell forever on it, it’s just going to make you miserable! Accept it, and you’ll be muc)( )(appier about your life.   
CT: D --> Can we please move on to the affairs of the state  
CC: T)(e Turks are )(eading for Cyprus in full battle force. Ot)(ello, you know )(ow to defend it, and you’re the best officer I’ve got. Muc)( as I )(ate to cut the )(oneymoon s)(ort, I need you t)(ere.  
TC: I’Ve bEeN Up aNd iN EnOuGh mOtHeRfUcKiNg wArS ThAt tHiS AiN’T No hArDsHiP, i cAn bE AlL Up aNd lEaViNg wHeNeVeR YoU NeEd mE.  
TC: BuT I GoT To mOtHeRfUcKiNg pRoViDe fOr mY WiFe, ShE NeEdS A PlAcE To sTaY ThAt’s fItTiNg fOr hEr pReTtY LiTtLe pRiNcEsS HeAd.  
CC: At )(er father’s.  
CT: D --> I will not have it so  
TC: Me nEiThEr.  
TG: im not so hot on the idea myself  
TG: dont want dad gettin all wantin me back  
TG: miss duke i have a proposition for you  
CC: W)(at is it?  
TG: okay obviously im hella in love with othello  
TG: like i fuckin eloped with the guy  
TG: and if he goes off to war to do all these valiant derring-dos its just gonna be me by my lonesome mopin around while my hero does shit far overseas  
TG: i wanna go with him  
TC: Oh mOtHeRfUcKiNg yEs pLeAsE. lOoK, i bE AlL Up aNd mOtHeRfUcKiNg wAnTiNg tHiS NoT BeCaUsE Of mY OwN LiTtLe sElF, bUt bEcAuSe iT’S WhAt’s uP AnD MaKiNg hEr hApPy.  
TC: AnD If yOu tHiNk sHe’lL Be aLl dIsTrAcTiNg mE FrOm mY MoThErFuCkInG MiLiTaRy bUsInEsS, yOu cAn tUrN My hElMeT InTo a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fRyInG PaN.  
CC: Look, just decide t)(is amongst yourselves, we’ve got bigger fis)( to fry, and quickly.  
CG: YOU’VE GOT TO LEAVE TONIGHT.  
TC: WiTh AlL mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg HeArT.  
CC: We meet )(ere again at nine tomorrow morning, s)(arp. Ot)(ello, leave one of your offis)(ers )(ere, and I’ll send )(im back to you wit)( your commission.   
TC: YoUr gRaCe, My eNsIgN, a tRoLl oF MoThErFuCkInG HoNeStY AnD TrUsT. yOu cAn sEnD AnYtHiNg yOu nEeD WiTh hEr.  
CC: Great. Everyone, good nig)(t.  
CC: And Brabantio, you’ve got a good fucking man for a son-in-law.  
CG: BYE, OTHELLO. GOOD LUCK WITH THE MARRIAGE.  
CT: D --> 100k to her, indigob100d, if you have eyes to see  
CT: D --> She deceived her father, and may thee  
Exit Duke, with Senators, Officers, etc.  
TC: NaW, tHiS LiTtLe cHiCa iS As fAiThFuL As tHe dAy iS LoNg.  
TC: IaGo, I GoT To bE AlL Up aNd lEaViNg mY DeSi tO YoU. lEt yOuR WiFe aTtEnD On hEr, AnD BrInG ThEm tO CyPrUs wHeN YoU’Re mOtHeRfUcKiNg aBlE.  
TC: CoMe oN, dEsDeMoNa. We’vE OnLy gOt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg hOuR BeFoRe i hAvE To bE AlL Up aNd gOiNg.  
TG: do u know how u want to spend it  
TG: bc i sure do ;)  
Exit Othello and Desdemona.  
EB: iago…  
AG: What?  
EB: what’ll i do?  
AG: Go to 8ed and sleep.  
EB: i’m going to go jump in a well and drown myself.  
AG: Well, that’s a shitty way of handling things. Why, you silly fucker?  
EB: it’s silly to live when life is torment!  
AG: Oh my God, why can I never find a person who’s actually decent to themselves? Like, what’s wrong with a little self-love?  
AG: 8esides, the day I drown myself for some chick is the day you can swap me out with a monkey.  
EB: what do you want me to do? i can’t help my feelings.  
AG: Oh please, only weak people say that.   
AG: You know what? Your 8ody is your fucking 8ody, and whatever happens in that fucked-up little noggin of yours is entirely your own doing! You can totally control your emotions, you just have to have the willpower to do it.   
AG: And this great love of yours? Just some pathetic crush you could get over if you really wanted to.  
EB: you’re lying.  
AG: Totally not. Look, I’m your friend. In fact, I’m your 8est friend, and I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you to drown yourself! I’ve got some much 8etter advice.  
AG: Go to the wars with Othello, stick close to him. Desdemona’s totally not going to stay in love with him, and he’s not going to 8e interested in her for much longer. He’s an indigo8lood, they’re fucking capricious, everyone knows that. And once she’s gotten her 8rains fucked out like she wants, she’s going to realize what a huge mistake she made.   
AG: If you’re going to damn yourself, there’s waaaaaay 8etter ways to do it than drowning.  
AG: Make all the money you can, go after them, and leave all the rest to me.   
EB: really? are you sure?  
AG: Dude, would I let you down? Ever?   
AG: And I told you before, I fucking hate this guy. I’d do anything to wreck his marriage, so let’s work together for our revenge. It’ll 8e fun!  
AG: Now get lost, we can talk more a8out this tomorrow.  
EB: where should we meet?  
AG: At my place.  
EB: i’ll see you!  
AG: Yeah, yeah, get out of here. Remem8er, make money!  
EB: i’ll sell all my land!  
Exit.  
AG: What a fucking idiot.   
AG: Urgh, I reeeeaaaally hate Othello, so much. You know there’s rumors going around that he slept with my wife? I mean, I don’t even care if it’s true or not, it’s just the suspicion that makes me mad!  
AG: Wait, I can totally play the same trick on him. With Cassio! It’s perfect.  
AG: All the ladies are into that nerd for some strange reason, I can convince Othello that Cassio and Desdemona are fucking no pro8lem. And Othello’s fucking gulli8le, it’ll 8e a piece of cake.  
AG: Oh man! This is an awesome plan!   
AG: This is going to be AWFUL. :::;)

Exit.


	5. Act II, Scene 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a change in casting, the role of MICHAEL CASSIO will no longer be played by Sollux Captor, but instead by Eridan Ampora.

II.1 Enter Montano [GC] and two Gentlemen [GT], [TT].

GC: WH4T C4N YOU S33?  
GT: Not much of anything. It sure is a devil of a storm out there!  
GC: 1F TH3 W34TH3R 1S TH1S B4D ON L4ND, 1T MUST B3 TW1C3 4S ROUGH 4T S34  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK M4NY SH1PS OUT TH3R3 ST4ND 4 CH4NC3  
TT: Yeah, things aren’t looking too great for the Turkish fleet right now, they’re really taking a pounding.  
GC: HMMM  
GC: UNL3SS TH3Y F1ND 4 S4F3 H4RBOR, TH3Y W1LL 1N 4LL L1K3L1HOOD B3 D3STROY3D  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT  
Enter a Gentlewoman [GG].  
GG: News, lads! The war’s over!  
GG: The Turkish fleet was completely wiped out by the storm. A Venetian ship saw the wreckage and everything.  
TT: You were saying?  
GC: WOW  
GG: The ship just came into port.  
GG: Michael Cassio, Othello’s lieutenant, is on board, and Othello himself is on another ship not far behind.  
GC: 3XC3LL3NT  
GG: I have to say, for all that Cassio’s glad about the Turkish defeat, he’s very worried that Othello’s ship might suffer the same fate.  
GC: 1 HOP3 OTH3LLO SURV1V3S  
GC: 1 H4V3 FOUGHT B3S1D3 H1M 4ND H3 1S 4 WORTHY COMM4ND3R, 1F NOTH1NG 3LS3  
GC: L3T’S GO TO TH3 B34CHS1D3, W3’LL H4V3 4 B3TT3R V13W OF 4NY 1NCOM1NG SH1PS  
GT: To the shore posthaste! Not a moment to lose.  
Enter Cassio [CA].  
CA: it is pourin out there like you wwouldnt believve  
CA: i hope oth makes it okay   
GC: 1S H1S SH1P W3LL-M4D3?  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: an hes got a great fuckin helmsman too  
CA: wwhat can i say i guess im just a pessimist  
Voices within: A sail, a sail!  
CA: wwhats that  
GT: Sounds like the gathered townspeople heralding the arrival of a ship if you ask me!  
CA: oh please oh please be oth  
A shot.  
GT: That was a courtesy discharge. At the very least those are friends of ours!  
CA: hey buddy  
CA: do me a solid an go see wwho it is  
GT: Yes sir!  
Exit.  
GC: H3Y LIEUTENANT  
GC: 1 H34RD SOM3 D3L1C1OUS RUMORS TH4T YOUR G3N3R4L 1S M4RR13D  
GC: 4R3 TH3Y TRU3? >:]  
CA: they are absolutely true  
GC: WH4T’S SH3 L1K3?  
CA: shes fuckin indescribable  
CA: there arent wwords in the dictionary to capture howw amazin she is  
Enter Gentleman [GT].  
CA: wwho is it  
GT: The generals flagbearer iago.  
CA: holy shit she got here quickly  
CA: wwho knows maybe the storm an rocks kneww des wwas comin and got out of the wway for her  
CA: it wwouldnt surprise me  
GC: D3S?  
CA: desdemona  
CA: oths wwife   
CA: ags escortin her here to meet up wwith oth   
GC: JUST TO CL4R1FY  
GC: BY 4G YOU M34N 14GO  
GC: 4ND BY OTH YOU M34N OTH3LLO  
CA: yeah  
CA: wwhy is that not clear  
GC: DUD3, YOU N33D SOM3 B3TT3R N1CKN4M3S FOR P3OPL3 >:/  
Enter Desdemona [TG], Iago [AG], Roderigo [EB], and Emilia [GA] with Attendants.  
CA: wwell look at wwhat wwe havve here  
CA: looks like all the riches a the ocean just came on shore  
CA: hail lady an may the grace a heavven surround you on all sides  
TG: aw cassio ur 2 sweet  
TG: hows othello do u have any news about him?  
CA: hes not here yet  
CA: but hes on his wway an is doin just fine  
TG: ugghhhh im still really worried though  
TG: how did you lose him????  
CA: our ships got separated in the storm  
Voices within: A sail! A sail!  
A shot.  
CA: another ship  
GT: Judging by the amiable cannonfire i would wager that the arrival is also a friendly vessel.  
CA: howw about instead a talkin you run ovver an see wwhats actually happenin  
Exit Gentleman.  
CA: wwelcome ensign  
CA: an this must be your lovvely wwife  
CA: hey ag dont get all wworked up about this okay  
CA: its just a courtesy greeting  
Kisses Emilia.  
AG: If you got as much of her lips as I got of her 8la88ing tongue, you’d have moooooore than enough, 8elieve me.  
TG: wat are u talkin about shes totes quiet  
AG: Are you kidding? Not quiet enough! She only shuts up when I need to sleep.  
AG: Okay, well, at least when she’s around you she doesn’t talk nearly as much.  
GA: These Insults Seem Unfounded To Me  
AG: Are you kidding me???????? Sure, you’re all nice and demure when you’re outside, but the second we step inside it’s nag nag nag, meddle meddle meddle. God, you’re insuffera8le!  
TG: what the hell  
TG: dont insult emilia like that >:(  
AG: I swear, this is all completely true!  
GA: Please  
GA: Dont Spare Your Praises  
AG: Oh, I won’t.  
TG: iago  
TG: if u were goin to praise me  
TG: what would you say?  
AG: Nah, you don’t want to hear. All I do is criticize, apparently.  
TG: pleeeeeaaaase  
TG: pretty ple -  
TG: theres a ship goin into the harbor!!!! :O  
AG: Yes. Yes, there is.  
TG: (oof its hard work pretendin to be happy when ur not)  
TG: come on iago  
TG: how would you praise me?  
AG: Ugh, FINE. This is hurting my 8rain to do this, just so you know.  
TG: im waaaaaiting  
AG: Well, you’re pretty, and you’re smart, and you use your good looks to get what you want, so, uh – good on you.  
TG: what if i was ugly?  
AG: Pretty sure you’d still find someone to sleep with you.  
TG: wow harsh  
GA: What If She Was Pretty But Unintelligent  
AG: Same thing. I’m telling you, dudes love a girl with huge tits but no 8rain.  
TG: im sorry do we look like a bunch of douchewads hangin out at a bar  
TG: bc thats the kind of jokes ur tellin  
TG: what about a girl whos ugly AND dumb  
TG: got anything nice to say about her????  
AG: Doesn’t matter, she’ll play the same slutty tricks as the rest of them.  
TG: all right  
TG: if thats how ur gonna be  
TG: then what would u say about a woman of irreporoachable beauty and characcter?  
AG: A woman who’s 8eautiful 8ut never proud, speaks freely 8ut is never loud, has money 8ut doesn’t flaunt it, has self-control, doesn’t get revenge on people, doesn’t do anything stupid, keeps her thoughts to herself, and doesn’t flirt with every random dude she meets –  
AG: Well, if she ever existed –  
TG: yes?  
AG: Then all she’d 8e good for is raising 8a8ies and 8uying groceries.  
TG: thats a shitty ending  
TG: emilia dont listen to her  
TG: even if she is ur wife  
TG: what do u think cassio  
TG: isnt she awful?  
CA: personally i think shes better off as a soldier than a scholar  
AG: (god, look at those two together. look at the way he takes her hand!)   
AG: (yeah, yeah, whisper to each other. you are making my jo8 waaaaaaaay too easy.)  
AG: (oh, go ahead, kiss her fingers!)  
AG: (this we8 practically weaves itself.)  
Trumpet within.  
AG: That’s Othello! I know his trumpet.  
CA: here he comes  
Enter Othello [TC] and Attendants.  
TC: My FaIr WaRrIoR!  
TG: othello! :D  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG MiRaClEs, YoU’Re hErE In fRoNt oF Me!  
TC: MaN, iF EvErY StOrM HaD A CaLm aFtEr iT LiKe tHiS, i wOuLd mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHrOw mYsElF InTo a tHoUsAnD HuRrIcAnEs.  
TC: I CoUlD Up aNd kIcK ThE BuCkEt nOw aNd i wOuLd bE AlL BlIsSfUl aNd aT MoThErFuCkInG PeAcE.  
TG: whoa hey no talkin about dying  
TG: were just gonna be happy together for ever and ever and ever  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG aMeN tO tHaT. :O)  
They kiss.  
AG: (oh yeah? not if i can do something a8out it.)  
TC: HeY, wHaT SaY We hEaD Up tO ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiNg wIcKeD CaStLe oN ToP Of tHe hIlL? tHe tUrKs aRe aLl dEaD, aIn’t nO TiMe lIkE ThE PrEsEnT FoR A MoThErFuCkInG ViCtOrY CeLeBrAtIoN.  
TC: DeSi gIrL, yOu aRe gOiNg tO LoVe iT HeRe aT CyPrUs, ThEy aRe mOtHeRfUcKiNg gOiNg tO Be bOwInG DoWn fOr yOu lIkE A QuEeN, tHrOwInG AlL ThEm pEaRlS AnD ShIt –  
TC: Aw hElL, bUt i jUsT CaN’T ShUt uP, i bEt eVeRyOnE JuSt wAnTs tO GeT ThEiR MoThErFuCkInG NaP On.  
TC: IaGo, Go dOwN To tHe sHiP AnD GeT My tReAsUrE CoFfErS AnD ShIt, BrInG ThE HeLmSmAn uP To tHe pAlAcE. gOt tO GiVe hIm tHe rEwArD He mOtHeRfUcKiNg eArNeD.  
TC: C’MoN BaBy gIrL, lEt’s gO.  
Exit Othello and Desdemona with all but Iago and Roderigo.  
AG: Yo, you. Attendant! Meet me at the har8or.  
AG: And you, Roderigo, get over here and listen to me. The lieutenant’s on guard duty tonight, and I have to tell you – Desdemona’s in love with him.  
EB: what? no way!  
AG: I said LISTEN to me. Remem8er how much she first loved the indigo8lood? She was fucking head over heels for him, all 8ecause he told her some (pro8a8ly made up) stories. You think that’s going to last? Psssh!  
AG: Once that’s over, what’s the indigo8lood got to keep her interested? He’s ugly, rude, older than her, has no fucking manners and talks like a peasant. So who will she turn to instead?  
AG: Cassio.  
EB: no way, she wouldn’t. desdemona’s better than that.  
AG: 8ullshit. If she was 8etter, she would never have fallen in love with the indigo8lood in the first place.   
AG: Come on, didn’t you see Cassio 8eing all smooch with her hand earlier?  
EB: weeeell, yes, but… that was courtesy.  
AG: 8ullshit and dou8le 8ullshit! They practically kissed! Roderigo, I’m telling you, they’re in love.   
AG: Anyway, here’s what you gotta do. While Cassio’s on watch tonight, you’ve got to reeeeaaaally piss him off. Get him as mad as you can!  
EB: uh…  
AG: It’s not that hard! Dude will fly off the handle at the smallest provocation. And then that way I can get the authorities in Cyprus pissed at him, and he’ll 8e taken out of the way so you won’t have to compete with him for Desdemona. :::;)  
EB: give me the chance and i’ll do it.  
AG: Atta 8oy! Meet me later at the citadel after I’ve gotten all his stuff off the ship. 8ye!!!!!!!!  
EB: see you.  
Exit.  
AG: I wasn’t 8ullshitting there, I really do think Cassio loves Desdemona. And it’s pretty likely that she’ll love him back.  
AG: And as much as I hate the indigo8lood, I have to hand it to him, he’s pretty loyal and caring.  
AG: God, I can’t W8 to fuck up their relationship. It still really pisses me off to think that the indigo8lood might have fucked my wife!   
AG: I’m going to make him so fucking jealous his eyes 8urn out of their sockets. I’m going to tear Michael Cassio to shreds in front of him, and just get thanks and praise in return.  
AG: And the 8est part is no one will ever suspect me of anything.

Exit.


	6. Act II, Scene 2

II.2 Enter Othello’s Herald [GG] with a proclamation.

GG: all right everyone listen up!!!!   
GG: general othello is declaring a victory celebration for the entire city   
GG: theres going to be bonfires, dancing, you name it   
GG: were not just celebrating the defeat of the turks, were celebrating his wedding too!   
GG: the party goes until eleven, god bless the isle of cyprus and our noble general othello!

Exit.


	7. Act II, Scene 3

II.3 Enter Othello [TC], Desdemona [TG], Cassio [CA]  and Attendants.

TC: MiChAeL My bRo, YoU’Re hEaD Of tHe gUaRd tOnIgHt, DoN’T Be aLl uP AnD CaVoRtInG ToO MoThErFuCkInG MuCh.  
CA: aww come on boss ags got it covered  
CA: fine ill keep on top a things  
TC: MaN, iAgO’S ThE ShIt.  
TC: GoOd nIgHt aNd tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg sWeEtEsT Of dReAmS, mY BrO. rEmInD Me tOmOrRoW MoRnInG ThAt wE GoT To uP AnD GeT OuR ChAt oN.  
TC: C’MoN ChIqUiTa, LeT’S TaKe tHiS Up tO ThE CaStLe, I GoT SoMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg vIcToRy cElEbRaTiOn pLaNs oF My oWn.  
TC: HoNk. ;o)  
TC: NiGhT eVeRyOnE!  
Exit Othello with Desdemona and Attendants. Enter Iago [AG].  
CA: hey ag  
CA: looks like wweve got to go wwatch together  
AG: Already? Dude, we’ve got aaaaaaaages until it’s time to be on guard. Othello only dismissed us this early 8ecause he wants to go 8ang Desdemona.  
AG: I mean come on, you saw the two of them.  
CA: des is great isnt she  
AG: Great at 8ANGING. :::;)  
CA: i mean shes just really pretty  
AG: You saw her eyeing every guy in the joint, right? She’s totally into like 8 of them.  
CA: no wway she wwas just bein friendly  
AG: Oh yeah? I wish more people were friendlier to me then.  
CA: shes just perfect  
AG: Well, happiness to her and Othello.  
AG: C’mon, lieutenant, let’s go get drunk. I’ve got a 8ottle of wine here, and there’s two Cyprus gents outside who are dying to come drink it with me.   
CA: nah not tonight  
CA: im not feelin the wwhole get drunk and smash shit vvibe  
AG: Woooooooow, lame. Not even one cup?  
CA: ivve already had one tonight an  
CA: uh  
CA: im not so great at holdin my alcohol   
AG: Hahahaha oh my God, you’re such a loser.  
CA: wwhoa hey lets not jump to conclusions  
CA: wwheres those guys you mentioned  
AG: Outside, go bring them in.  
CA: fine i wwill  
Exit.  
AG: All I have to do is get him drunk and he’ll be readier to fight than Desdemona’s little dog. Meanwhile Roderigo’s 8een crying a8out Desdemona into a 8ottle of wine and he’s out wandering the streets.  
AG: All I’ve got to do is 8ring the two together…  
Enter Cassio [CA], Montano [GC], and Gentlemen with Servants bringing wine.  
CA: all right can i get a drink or wwhat   
GC: ON3 FOR M3 4S W3LL!  
GC: 4LTHOUGH NOT 4 B1G ON3, 1 4M 4 SOLD13R  
AG: Let’s get some wine!  
AG: And let me the cannikin clink, clink;  
AG: And let me the cannikin clink.  
AG: A soldier’s a man;  
AG: O man’s life’s 8ut a span,  
AG: Why then, let a soldier drink.  
CA: wwhat an good fuckin song  
AG: I learned it in England. I swear, drinking’s like a national sport over there!  
CA: really  
AG: You 8et!  
CA: to the health a our general  
GC: TO H1S H34LTH!  
AG: To England!  
CA: dont start singin again  
CA: its not fittin for a troll in your place  
CA: theres souls that must be savved an souls that must not be saved  
AG: Very true.  
CA: i fuckin hope im savved  
AG: Me too.   
CA: yeah but not before me  
CA: lieutenants got to be saved before the flagbearer  
CA: cmon lets  
CA: lets go look to our affairs  
CA: god forgivve our sins  
CA: lets go  
CA: hey guys dont think im drunk  
CA: see thats my flagbearer thiss my right hand an this is my left  
CA: im not drunk  
CA: I can stand an walk  
GC: MOST 3XC3LL3NT!  
CA: wwell then dont think im drunk  
Exit.  
GC: GO TO THE PL4TFORM 4ND S3T TH3 W4TCH  
Exeunt some Gentlemen.  
AG: Man, it’s a shame a8out that guy who just left. Normally he’s a fantastic officer, but you get a couple cups of wine in him and he does a complete one-8y.   
AG: It’d 8e a real shame if he let Othello down 8ecause of that.  
GC: 1S H3 OFT3N L1K3 TH1S? >:/  
AG: He can’t even sleep unless he’s had a drink.   
GC: SOM3ON3 SHOULD 1NFORM THE G3N3R4L OF TH1S 1MM3D14T3LY  
GC: P3RH4PS H3 1S W1LL1NG TO OV3RLOOK TH1S B3C4US3 OF C4SS1O’S S3RV1C3?  
Enter Roderigo [EB].  
AG: (roderigo, what are you doing here? go after the lieutenant!)  
Exit Roderigo.  
GC: 4ND 1T 1S 4 GR34T P1TY TH4T TH3 1ND1GOBLOOD SHOULD G1V3 SUCH 4 POS1T1ON TO SOM3ON3 L1K3 H1M  
GC: SOM3ON3 OUGHT TO T3LL H1M  
AG: Whoa, not me! I like Cassio, and I’d rather try and help him first.  
Voice within: Help, help!  
AG: What’s that?  
Enter Cassio [CA] pursuing Roderigo [EB].  
CA: get back here you cocksuckin bitch  
GC: WH4T’S TH3 M4TT3R, L13UT3N4NT?  
CA: a knavve teach me my duty  
CA: ill beat the knavve into a twwiggen bottle  
EB: beat me????  
CA: shut the fuck up  
Strikes Roderigo.  
GC: N4Y, GOOD L13UT3N4NT!  
Stays Cassio.  
GC: I PR4Y YOU S1R, HOLD YOUR H4ND  
CA: let me go  
CA: or ill hit you on the head  
GC: YOU 4R3 MOST 1NDUB1T4BLY DRUNK  
They fight.  
AG: (psssst, roderigo! go out and cry a mutiny!)  
Exit Roderigo.  
AG: You guys, stop!  
A bell rung.  
AG: Can we get some help over here! Hey!   
AG: Montano!   
AG: You guys, 8reak it up!  
Enter Othello [TC] and Attendants.  
TC: WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK iS uP aNd HaPpEnInG hErE?  
GC: OH MY GOD 1’M BL33D1NG  
TC: I sAiD eVeRyOnE mOtHeRfUcKiNg HoLd Up!  
AG: Guys, listen to your general! Jeeeeeeeez.  
TC: WhAt iS AlL Up aNd mOtHeRfUcKiNg hApPeNiNg? ArE YoU FoRgEtTiNg wHo yOu aLl aRe?  
TC: YoU CaN NoT Be mOtHeRfUcKiNg sQuAbBlInG LiKe tHiS.  
TC: SoMeOnE ShUt uP ThAt mOtHeRfUcKiNg bElL. iAgO, wHaT ThE HeLl bEeN StIrRiNg uP My mOtHeRfUcKiNg mEn?  
TC: I SaId, WhO MoThErFuCkInG StArTeD ThIs?  
AG: I don’t know! I was just minding my own 8usiness when all of a sudden everyone’s got their swords pointed at each other.   
TC: CaSsIo, WhAt Up AnD hApPeNeD tO yOu?  
CA: i cant  
CA: boss im sorry  
CA: i cant really talk   
TC: wHaT aBoUt YoU, mOnTaNo?  
TC: CaN YoU Be uP AnD ShEdDiNg sOmE LiGhT On tHiS MoThErFuCkInG DeBaClE Of a sItUaTiOn, Or aM I GoNnA HaVe tO LaY DoWn sOmE RiGhTeOuS ReTrIbUtIoN To bE GeTtInG At tHe tRuTh?  
GC: S1R, 1 R3GR3T TO 1NFORM YOU TH4T 1 4M GR13V1OUSLY 1NJUR3D, 4ND C4NNOT SP34K  
GC: 4SK 14GO, SH3 KNOWS WH4T H4PP3N3D  
TC: NoW, yOu aLl kNoW Me tO Be uP AnD MoThErFuCkInG EaSy tO Be wOrKiNg wItH. I aIn’t aLl fLyInG OfF ThE HaNdLe fOr sOmE MoThErFuCkInG TrIvIaL LiTtLe sHiT.  
TC: BuT If I aM NoT GeTtInG My hAnDs oN SoMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tRuTh vErY MoThErFuCkInG SoOn, YoU AlL ArE GoInG To bE TaStInG My mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUrY VeRy, VeRy sOoN.  
TC: We cAn’t bE HaViNg qUaRrElS In A tOwN ThAt jUsT GoT ThRoUgH A WaR, iT’S MoThErFuCkInG UnToLeRaBlE.  
TC: IaGo, WhO sTaRtEd It?  
GC: 1F YOU DO NOT T3LL TH3 TRUTH, YOU 4R3 NO TRU3 SOLD13R  
AG: Oh, man. I reeeeaaaally didn’t want to be doing this, 8ut you guys just made me. I mean, I would rather lose my arm and eye than say anything 8ad a8out Cassio!  
AG: Anyway, here’s what happened. Montano and I were talking when in ran this guy, crying for help! Cassio was right 8ehind him with his sword, ready to slice his head off.  
AG: So in steps Montano, trying to stop Cassio while I head after the crying man to keep him from alarming the entire town. He outran me, and I headed 8ack to find Montano and Cassio fighting – that’s when you showed up!  
AG: Look, I really don’t want to speak 8adly of Cassio. We all make mistakes, don’t we?  
TC: IaGo, I GoT A FeElInG YoU’Re aLl uP AnD MaKiNg tHiNgS BeTtEr fOr cAsSiO ThAn tHeY ArE.  
TC: CaSsIo, I LoVe yOu, BuT YoU’Re nO LoNgEr mY MoThErFuCkInG OfFiCeR.  
Enter Desdemona [TG], attended.  
TC: Aw, AnD NoW YoU Be aLl uP AnD WaKiNg mY LaDy lOvE, yOu mOtHeRfUcKeRs.  
TG: othello  
TG: whats wrong  
TC: NoThInG, dOn’t yOu aLl bE Up aNd wOrRyInG.  
TC: MoNtAnO, i’lL MoThErFuCkInG TeNd yOuR WoUnDs mYsElF. lEaD HiM OfF.  
Montano is led off.  
TC: IaGo, MaKe sUrE YoU Go aRoUnD ThE ToWn aNd sIlEnCe eVeRyOnE ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiNg vIlE BrAwL DiStRaCtEd.  
TC: C’mOn, BaBy GiRl. LeT’s Go BaCk To BeD.  
Exit with all but Iago and Cassio.  
AG: Are you hurt?  
CA: ay  
CA: past all surgery  
AG: Oh, noooooooo!  
CA: my reputations gone forevver  
CA: ivve lost the best part a myself  
CA: my reputation ag  
CA: my reputation  
AG: Oh, jeez, I thought you’d actually 8een hurt. Stop whining a8out your reputation! It’s dum8, and the only people who pay attention to it are losers.  
AG: Okay, so the general’s upset at you? So what! You can totally get 8ack in his good graces again.  
CA: id rather be despised than disgrace an officer like him with my drunkenness an swwagger   
CA: wwhat wwas i thinkin   
CA: oh invvisible spirit a wine if you havve no name to be knowwn by let us call you devvil  
AG: Who was that guy you were chasing? What had he done to you?  
CA: i dont knoww  
AG: Really?  
CA: i remember a mass a things but nothin clearly  
CA: oh god   
CA: wwhy did i do this to myself  
AG: You don’t look too drunk right now.  
CA: guess i sobered up when i got so mad  
CA: funny howw that wworked out  
AG: Look, for your sake, I really wish this hadn’t happened. But I can totally show you how to fix it!  
CA: i cant ask oth for my position again  
CA: hed just laugh at me an call me a drunkard   
AG: Shut up and listen to me.   
AG: Our general’s wife is now the general, or might as well 8e the way he listens to her. Go talk to her! 8eg her for help, ask her to ask Othello to give you your place 8ack.  
AG: She’s such a nice person, you know she’ll do it. And Othello will listen to her, and everything will 8e 8ack to normal.  
CA: you advvise me wwell   
AG: Nah, I’m just 8eing a good friend. ::::)  
CA: no youre great  
CA: first thing tomorrow mornin im goin to talk to des  
CA: if this doesnt wwork im screwwed   
AG: You’ve got it, chief. Good night, I’ve got to go watch.  
CA: good night honest iago  
Exit Cassio.  
AG: Man, and everyone keeps saying I’m the 8ad guy, when all I do is give good advice!  
AG: Desdemona really will listen to Cassio and talk to Othello for him, she’s that nice of a person. It should work out fine!  
AG: Except, of course, I’ll 8e telling the indigo8lood the entire time a8out how Desdemona’s got a thing for Cassio, and that’s why she’s pleading for him.  
Enter Roderigo [EB].  
AG: Hey, Roderigo. How’s it going?  
EB: fucking awful.  
EB: i’ve been running all over this stupid town, my money’s gone, i got beat up, and i’m going to go back to venice with nothing.  
AG: Woooooooow, you’ve got zero patience, haven’t you?   
AG: I’m working 8y wit, not witchcraft. These things take time!  
AG: Okay, so Cassio kicked your ass. So what? We’re going to get 8ack at him, just you watch.  
AG: Holy shit, is it morning already? Go on, get out of here.  
Exit Roderigo.  
AG: All right, what needs to happen?  
AG: I’ve got to get my wife to argue for Cassio to Desdemona, and while she does that I can talk to the indigo8lood and make him suspicious of Cassio and Desdemona.

Exit.


	8. Act III, Scene 1

III.1 Enter Cassio [CA], Musician [GG], and Clown [TT].

CA: hey play somethin for the general  
CA: somethin short an snappy that says good mornin congrats on getting laid  
CA: ill pay you  
She plays.  
TT: Tell me, has your instruments been in Naples lately? Because it's singing through the nose.  
GG: excuse me?  
TT: Are these wind instruments?  
GG: um yeah  
GG: this is a flute  
TT: Ah, that explains a lot.  
GG: explains what? :P  
TT: Why you’re so full of hot air.   
TT: Anyway, here’s your money, and the general would like for you to stop playing now. Between you and me, he’s got a bit of a hangover.  
GG: well fine  
TT: If you’ve got any music that he can’t hear, feel free to play that.  
GG: if you dont like my music just say so >:P  
TT: I wouldn’t go that far.  
GG: oh fuck you   
Exit Musician.  
CA: hey come here  
TT: Why?  
CA: no come here ivve got money  
CA: if the gentletroll that attends the generals wwife is up tell her cassio wwants to talk to her  
TT: Yeah, fine, I’ll do it.  
CA: thanks  
Exit Clown. Enter Iago [AG].  
CA: wwoww iago just the troll i wwanted to see  
AG: Something tells me you haven’t been to 8ed at all last night.  
CA: nah  
CA: i mean it wwas pretty close to mornin already the last time wwe talked  
CA: hey i hope you dont mind i sent in to your wwife to see if des was up  
CA: see if des can help me out by talkin to the general or anything  
AG: I’ll send her to you soon, aaaaaaaand, since I’m such a good friend, I’ll talk to Othello and make sure he’s out of the way so nothing interrupts you two!  
CA: thanks a bunch  
Exit Iago.  
CA: man wwhat a good gal  
Enter Emilia [GA].  
GA: Good Morning Lieutenant  
GA: I Am Sorry For What Has Happened To You But The General And His Wife Are Speaking Of It Right Now And She Is Very Much In Your Favor  
GA: The Indigoblood Is Also Fond Of You And Seems Disposed To Grant You Forgiveness  
CA: oh wwheww thats great  
CA: still could you just givve me a tiny favvor and let me talk to des alone  
GA: I Believe I Can  
GA: Why Dont You Come In   
CA: thanks i really owwe you one

Exeunt.


	9. Act III, Scene 2

III.2 Enter  Othello [TC], Iago [AG],  and Gentleman [GT].

TC: IaGo, GiVe tHeSe lEtTeRs tO ThE MoThErFuCkInG HeLmSmAn aNd tElL HiM To gEt tHeM AlL Up aNd dElIvErEd tO ThE SeNaTe.   
TC: I’Ll bE GeTtInG My mOtHeRfUcKiNg sTrOlL On uP On tHeSe bAtTlEmEnTs.   
AG: Got it, sir.   
TC: HeY, wAnT tO bE cHeCkInG oUt ThEsE mOtHeRfUcKiNg BaTtLeMeNtS?   
GT: I wait upon your lordship.

Exeunt.


	10. Act III, Scene 3

III.3 Enter Desdemona [TG], Cassio [CA], and Emilia [GA].

TG: really cassio dont worry abt it  
TG: i got everythin covered :)  
GA: My Wife Is Worried About This As Well  
GA: Almost As If The Problem Were Her Own  
TG: aw thats sweet of her  
TG: srsly though cassio  
TG: dont worry ill get u and othello back 2 bein best buds in no time  
CA: i cant thank you enough  
CA: im your servvant forevver an evver   
TG: aw hell i know  
TG: an i know u an othello used to be real tight an he probs misses u a ton  
TG: he just has to keep his distance for a bit cuz of propriety and legal shit  
TG: ya feel?  
CA: yeah but wwhat if he keeps doin that  
CA: like he gets used to havvin me gone an replaces me  
CA: wwhat if he forgets me  
TG: pssshh thats not gonna happen  
TG: look im promisin in front of emily here that ur gonna keep your job  
TG: and im not gonna stop buggin othello about it until he promises too  
TG: see everythings gonna be fine!!!! :)  
TG: now stop moping  
Enter Othello [TC] and Iago [AG] at a distance.  
GA: Here Comes Iago And Othello   
CA: i should probably go noww  
TG: no stay!!   
CA: im really feelin that i shouldnt stick around  
TG: oh fine :(  
Exit Cassio.  
AG: Ooooooooh, I don’t like that.  
TC: WhAt DiD yOu SaY?  
AG: Huh? Oh, nothing.  
TC: HeY, tHaT wAs CaSsIo LeAvInG mY wIfE iN sUcH a MoThErFuCkInG hUrRy, WaSn’T iT?  
AG: What? No way! He’d never steal off all sneaky like that.  
TC: I dUnNo, I’m KiNdA tHiNkInG iT wAs HiM.  
TG: othello!  
TG: youll never guess who i was just talkin to  
TC: WhO?  
TG: cassio!  
TG: can you please be friends with him again and give him back his job?  
TG: hes really really sorry!  
TC: WaS tHaT hIm JuSt MoThErFuCkInG nOw?  
TG: yeah!  
TG: please call him back  
TG: hes really torn up about this whole thing!  
TC: NoT nOw, DeSi. MaYbE aLl Up In SoMe OtHeR tImE.  
TG: but soon?  
TC: YeAh, SuRe, SwEeT tHiNg.  
TG: tonite?  
TC: NaHhH.  
TG: 2morrow nite?  
TC: I’m NoT gOiNg To Be MoThErFuCkInG aRoUnD tOmOrRoW, GoT mYsElF dInNeR wItH tHe CaPtAiNs At ThE cItAdEL.  
TG: well then how about the nite after that?  
TG: or the next morning?  
TG: or afternoon or night or the morning after that?  
TG: just pls pls pls make it soon!  
TG: hes really really sorry!  
TG: and honestly wat he did wasnt that bad  
TG: cmon othello tell me   
TG: when can he talk to u?  
TG: this is cassio ur friend!  
TG: look im really tryin here  
TC: JuSt MoThErFuCkInG sToP, pLeAsE, hE cAn CoMe WhEnEvEr ThE mOtHeRfUcK hE gEtS hIs MiNd On To. I cAn’T bE uP aNd DeNyInG yOu AnYtHiNg.  
TG: awwww thanks bae  
TG: but u aint even givin me anything  
TG: this is helpful to u too!  
TG: believe me youll know when im askin for something difficult  
TC: I’m NoT uP aNd MoThErFuCkInG dEnYiNg YoU aNyThInG, jUsT lEaVe Me A lItTlE fOr MySeLf.  
TG: i would never deny u anything <3  
TC: HeHe. :o)  
TC: SeE yOu LaTeR, bAbY gIrL, i’Ll Be ArOuNd SoOn.  
TG: emi come with me  
TG: see yall later  
Exit with Emilia.  
TC: I lOvE hEr So MoThErFuCkInG mUcH, yOu DoN’t EvEn KnOw.  
AG: My no8le lord –  
TC: SaY wHaT?  
AG: Did Cassio know when you were d8ing Desdemona that you were into her?  
TC: YeAh, ThE wHoLe MoThErFuCkInG tImE. wHy?  
AG: Oh, no reason.  
TC: I sAiD, wHy?  
AG: I just didn’t think he knew her very well.  
TC: NaH, hE wAs AlL uP aNd InVoLvEd, He WaS oUr MoThErFuCkInG gO-bEtWeEn.  
AG: Indeed?  
TC: YeAh.  
TC: WhY?  
TC: Is SoMeThInG mOtHeRfUcKiNg Up? CaSsIo’S aN hOnEsT mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
AG: Honest?  
TC: HoNeSt, YeS, mOtHeRfUcKiNg HoNeSt.   
AG: Oh, I don’t know. I guess.  
TC: WeLl, GoT aNy OpInIoNs RaTtLiNg AlL uP iN yOuR tHiNkPaN?  
AG: Opinions?  
TC: Is ThErE a MoThErFuCkInG rEaSoN fOr YoU tO bE aLl Up AnD eChOiNg Me? I hEaRd YoU mOtHeRfUcKiNg EaRlIeR, yOu WeRe TeN kInDs Of UnChIlL wHeN cAsSiO lEfT mY wIfE, aNd SiNcE tHeN yOu AiN’t BeEn NoThInG bUt MoThErFuCkInG CaGeY.  
TC: iF yOu MoThErFuCkInG lOvE mE, sHoW mE yOuR tHoUgHt.   
AG: My lord, you know I love you.  
TC: I kNoW, wHiCh Is WhY yOu MoThErFuCkInG wEiGh YoUr WoRdS bEfOrE yOu’Re AlL gIvInG tHeM bReAtH.  
TC: JuSt MoThErFuCkInG tElL mE, i GoT nO mInD tO bE pLaYiNg GaMeS uP iN hErE.  
AG: When it comes to Cassio, I dare 8e sworn that he is honest.  
TC: Me ToO.  
AG: Men should 8e what they seem, and those that don’t quite frankly aren’t men.  
TC: MeN sHoUlD bE wHaT tHeY mOtHeRfUcKiNg Be.  
AG: Well then, I think Cassio’s an honest man.  
TC: No No No, ThErE’s MoRe BeHiNd YoUr MoThErFuCkInG wOrDs. GiVe Me ThE WoRsT oF tHoUgHtS, tHe WoRsT oF wOrDs.  
AG: Look, you’re my captain, 8ut though I am 8ound to every act of duty, I’m not 8ound to that. Utter my thoughts? What if there was something reeeeaaaally 8ad in them! I wouldn’t dare.  
TC: If YoU’rE aLl Up AnD hArBoRiNg MoThErFuCkInG tHoUgHtS aBoUt Me AnD mInE aNd WoN’t MoThErFuCkInG sPiLl ThEm, YoU’rE nO fRiEnD oF mInE.  
AG: Please, I know I’ve got a mean streak, and I spend an awful lot of time prying into other people’s 8usiness and picking out faults that may8e just aren’t there! It’s 8etter you just don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m pro8a8ly wrong anyway.  
TC: WhAt ArE yOu Up AnD sAyInG?  
AG: Nothing! Nothing nothing nothing.   
TC: MoThErFuCkInG tElL mE –  
AG: I can’t! I really wish I could, but I can’t.  
TC: MoThErFuCkEr. >:o(  
AG: 8eware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster that mocks the meat it feeds on. Innocence is 8liss, even if you’re 8eing tricked, 8ut the second you let those dou8ts creep in…  
TC: HoNk. >:o(  
AG: Take this friendly advice from me – poor and content is rich, and rich enough! 8ut unlimited riches are worth nothing to someone who ever fears he’ll 8e poor.  
AG: Man, I hope I’m never jealous!  
TC: WhY tHe MoThErFuCk ArE yOu AlL uP aNd SaYiNg ThIs tO mE? i AiN’t AiMiNg To SpEnD mY lIfE fOlLoWiNg ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg ChAnGeS oF tHe MoOn WiTh FrEsH sUsPiCiOnS.  
TC: I mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaKe Up My MiNd, I aIn’T oNe Of ThOsE sOrRy SoNs Of BiTcHeS wHaT gEt AlL tIeD iN kNoTs FoR dAyS.  
TC: AnD iF yOu MoThErFuCkInG tHiNk To GeT mE aLl StiRrEd Up AnD jEaLoUs By TaLkInG ‘bOuT hOw My WiFe Is GoRgEoUs AnD lOvEs CoMpAnY aNd SiNgS aNd DaNcEs AnD sPeEkS fReElY tHeN yOu ArE bArKiNg Up ThE wRoNg MoThErFuCkInG tReE.  
TC: ShE hAd EyEs, AnD sHe ChOsE mE.  
TC: I’lL sEe BeFoRe I mOtHeRfUcKiNg DoUbT, aNd WhEn I dOuBt, PrOvE, aNd OnCe PrOvEd AwAy At OnCe WiTh BoTh MoThErFuCkInG lOvE aNd JeAlOuSy!  
AG: Oh, I’m so glad you said that.   
AG: Now I can talk to you freely a8out my suspicions!  
AG: Look, I’m not saying Cassio’s into your wife, but… you might want to keep an eye on the two of them when they’re together.  
AG: I’m not saying anything’s happening! Totally not. And you should 8e as fair and un8iased as possi8le.  
AG: I just don’t want you to get hurt. And you don’t know Venetian women, they keep all sorts of secrets.  
TC: ArE yOu MoThErFuCkInG sErIoUs?   
AG: Hey, she deceived her father when she married you.   
TC: ShE dId, BuT…  
AG: If she did it then, she could totally do it again. I mean, he thought she’d married you 8ecause of witchcraft – 8ut oops! I’ve 8een talking too much, I’m sorry.  
TC: NaH, iT’s AlL gOoD.  
AG: You look kinda upset.  
TC: I’m NoT.  
AG: Oh, noooooooo. I’ve upset you, haven’t I? Look, I’m just telling you this 8ecause I’m your friend. I didn’t think it would affect you this much though!  
AG: Hey, do me a favor and don’t jump to any conclusions or do anything rash, okay?  
TC: I wOn’T.   
AG: 8ecause if you did, my words would have caused way more harm than my thoughts. Cassio’s my friend –  
AG: You really are upset!  
TC: I’m MoThErFuCkInG nOt. DeSdEmOnA’s HoNeSt.  
AG: Of course she is!  
TC: AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg YeT –  
AG: And yet, there’s the fact that you two are soooooooo different. What if she wanted someone who was closer to her in age, social class… race…  
AG: Oops, I’m sorry. Just thinking aloud! Don’t pay any attention to me. ::::)  
TC: If YoU fInD oUt MoRe AbOuT mY wIfE, lEt Me KnOw. AsK yOuR wIfE aBoUt HeR.  
TC: LeAvE mE, iAgO.  
AG: My lord, I take my leave.  
TC: WhY tHe MoThErFuCk DiD i MaRrY?  
TC: iAgO kNoWs MoRe ThAn He’S uP aNd LeTtInG sPiLl.  
AG: My lord, my advice is to think a8out this no further. Leave it to time!  
AG: Just hold off Cassio for a while, and you’ll get to see how he 8ehaves around Desdemona – and she around him.  
AG: Anyway, I gotta go. Remem8er, don’t 8e too suspicious of anything until it’s 8een proven!  
TC: dOn’T mOtHeRfUcKiNg WoRrY.  
AG: Adios!  
Exit.  
TC: I kNoW iAgO’s AlL kInDs Of HoNeSt AnD iS aLl Up AnD fAmIlIaR wItH tHe MoThErFuCkInG hUmAn SpIrIt.   
TC: oH mAn, If DeSi Be PrOvEd UnTrUe I’lL sEt HeR fReE, tHoUgH hEr JeSsEs Be My MoThErFuCkInG hEaRt StRiNgS.   
TC: ShE’s GoNe.  
TC: I aM aBuSeD, aNd My ReLiEf MuSt Be To MoThErFuCkInG lOaThE hEr.  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG cUrSe Of MaRrIaGe, ThAt We CaLl ThEsE pReTtY tHiNgS aLl Up AnD OuRs BuT tHeIr ApPeTiTeS aIn’T eVeR bElOnGiNg To AnYoNe BuT tHeMsElVeS. i’D rAtHeR bE a ToAd LiViNg In A mOtHeRfUcKiNg DuNgEoN tHaN kEeP a CoRnEr In ThE tHiNg I lOvE fOr OtHeRs’ UsEs.  
TC: oH mOtHeRfUcK, hErE sHe CoMes.  
Enter Desdemona [TG] and Emilia [GA].  
TC: iF sHe Be FaLsE, tHeN hEaVeN iS gEtTiNg ItS lAuGh Up On ItSeLf! I wOn’T mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeLiEvE iT.  
TG: othello babe!   
TG: dinners ready an all the gests are waitin for you  
TG: *guests  
TG: its everyone u invited!  
TC: I aM tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg BlAmE.  
TG: hey are u ok?   
TG: whyre u speakin so faintly   
TC: I gOt A pAiN uP iN mY tHiNkPaN, HeRe.  
TG: aww thats just bc u been workin too hard  
TG: here lemme bind it up  
TG: youll be all good in an hour :)  
TC: yOuR hAnDkIeRcHiEf Is ToO mOtHeRfUcKiNg SmAlL.  
He pushes the handkerchief from him, and it falls unnoticed.  
TC: LeT iT aLoNe. cOmE, i’Ll Go WiTh YoU.  
TG: im really sorry ur not feelin well :(  
Exit with Othello.  
GA: I Am Glad I Have Found This Napkin  
GA: This Was Her First Remembrance From The Indigoblood  
GA: My Wayward Wife Has A Hundred Times Asked Me To Steal It But Desdemona So Loves The Token That She Keeps It On Her Person At All Times  
GA: Heaven Knows What Iago Wants With It  
Enter Iago [AG].  
AG: What are you doing here alone?  
GA: Do Not Chide  
GA: I Have A Thing For You  
AG: Yeah, I’ll 8et you do.  
GA: Excuse Me  
AG: Oh, nothing.  
GA: Fine Then I Guess You Are Not Interested In This Handkerchief After All  
AG: What handkerchief?  
GA: Just The Handkerchief That The Indigoblood Gave Desdemona  
GA: You Know The One You Kept Asking Me To Steal  
GA: But Im Sure You Dont Care About It Any More  
AG: Did you steal it from her?  
GA: No She Let It Fall By Negligence And I Picked It Up  
AG: You actually did something good for once! Give it to me.  
GA: What Do You Plan To Do With It  
AG: None of your 8usiness!  
Snatches it.  
GA: Unless Its Very Important I Suggest You Give It Back To Me  
GA: Lady Desdemona Will Be Distraught When She Finds It Is Missing  
AG: Yeah, like I give a fuck. I need it.  
AG: Leave me alone.  
Exit Emilia.  
AG: Well, time to go leave this in Cassio’s rooms and hope he finds it. Heh, it’s always little things like this that drive jealous people up the wall, and I’m 8etting it’ll do exactly the same to Othello.  
Enter Othello.  
AG: Here he comes now. 8oy, not even sopor’s gonna 8e a8le to give him a good night’s rest now.  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG fAlSe…  
AG: Hey, now, general! I told you to stop thinking a8out that.  
TC: GeT tHe MoThErFuCk AwAy FrOm Me, YoU pUt Me AlL uP oN tHe RaCk.  
TC: I sWeAr It’S mOrE oF a MoThErFuCkInG bLeSsInG tO bE mUcH aBuSeD tHaN tO kNoW eVeN a LiTtLe.  
AG: What do you mean?  
TC: WhEn I wAs AlL uP aNd UnKnOwInG sHe WaS gEtTiNg It On WiTh CaSsIo WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK dId I cArE? i SaW nOt, tHoUgHt It NoT, iT hArMeD mE mOtHeRfUcKiNg NoT. i FoUnD nOt CaSsIo’S mOtHeRfUcKiNg KiSsEs On HeR lIpS.  
TC: tHeM mOtHeRfUcKeR’s wHaT nOt KnOwInG tHeY wErE rObBeD aRe ThE lUcKy OnEs.  
AG: I’m sorry to hear this.  
TC: I wOuLd HaVe BeEn MoThErFuCkInG pEaCeFuL iF tHe WhOlE mOtHeRfUcKiNg CaMp hAd BeEn TaStInG hEr SwEeT bOdY sO hAd I nOtHiNg KnOwN.  
TC: bUt NoW aDiOs To MoThErFuCkInG pEaCe Of MiNd, aNd To AlL mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg TrOoPs AnD hOrSeS tOo.  
AG: Are you serious?  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKeR yOu HaD bEtTeR gIvE mE dEfInItE pRoOf mY lOvE iS a WhOrE oR yOu WiLl PrAy To ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg RiGhTeOuS gOd ThAt YoU wErE nEvEr bOrN aT aLl.  
AG: Whoa, okay, chill.  
TC: I hAd BeTtEr Be SeEiNg WiTh My OwN tWo MoThErFuCkInG eYes PrOoF oF wHaT yOu SaY, tHeRe HaD bEtTeR nOt Be A sHrEd Of MoThErFuCkInG dOuBt –  
AG: My lord –  
TC: Or YoU wIlL pAy FoR sLaNdErInG hEr AnD tOrTuRiNg Me WiTh EvEry BoNe In YoUr SaD mOtHeRfUcKiNg UnRiGhTeOuS lItTlE bOdY.  
AG: Wow, geez! I told you not to get so worked up a8out this!  
AG: Honestly, I try and 8e a good friend, just give you some helpful advice, and this is what I get? Fucking death threats????????   
AG: Take note, O world, to 8e direct and honest is not safe!  
AG: See if I ever help you out again, “friend.”  
TC: nO, wAiT.   
AG: Why?  
TC: bY tHe WoRlD tHiNgS gOt So MoThErFuCkInG cOnFuSeD uP iN tHiS bRaIn-PaN oF mInE.  
TC: I tHiNk My WiFe Is HoNeSt, AnD i ThInK sHe Is NoT, i ThInK tHaT yOu ArE jUsT, aNd ThInK yOu ArE NoT.  
TC: I nEeD sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiNg PrOoF.   
AG: I can see you’re really upset a8out this, I’m sorry I ever mentioned it to you in the first place.  
AG: You would 8e satisfied?  
TC: wOuLd? NaY, i MoThErFuCkInG wIlL.  
AG: 8ut how? Are you actually going to watch them having sex?  
TC: hOnK!!!! > :o(  
AG: I mean, it’s kinky, 8ut it’d 8e kind of difficult to pull that off, even if they were as horny as a whole zoo of animals.  
AG: 8ut hey, if imput8ion and strong circumstances lead to the truth, you might have it.   
TC: gIvE mE a LiViNg ReAsOn sHe’S dIsLoYaL.  
AG: Ooh, I really don’t like this, 8ut since I’m entered in the cause this far I will go on.   
AG: Okay, so me and Cassio were sharing a 8unk the other night – you know, soldiers, tight quarters, that sort of thing – 8ut since I had this really awful toothache I couldn’t sleep.  
AG: Well, you know how Cassio is the kind of guy who talks in his sleep a8out, like, everything?   
AG: So I’m laying there when I hear him say, “Swweet Desdemona, let us 8e wwary, let us hide our loves!” And then he starts gra88ing my hand, and trying to kiss me, and even put his leg on me. And then he sighed a lot and said, “Cursed fate that gavve you to the indigo8lood!”  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG mOnStRoUs. >:o(  
AG: Hey, this was 8ut his dream.  
TC: bUt We’Re BoTh KnOwInG dReAmS iS tHe MiRrOr tO MoThErFuCkInG lIfE.   
AG: Yeah, and if you take this in consideration with other pieces of evidence…  
TC: I’lL mOtHeRfUcKiNg TeAr HeR aLl To PiEcEs!  
AG: Whoa whoa whoa, don’t do anything drastic. This is still all just conjecture, she might 8e honest yet.  
AG: Tell me this – didn’t she have a handkerchief spotted with pink cats?  
TC: I gAvE hEr SuCh A oNe, It WaS mY fIrSt MoThErFuCkInG gIfT.  
AG: Huh, I could have sworn I saw Cassio wipe his face with a handkerchief just like that one.  
TC: iF iT bE tHaT –  
AG: If it 8e that, or any that was hers, it speaks against her with the other proofs.  
TC: I wIsH tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR hAd FoRtY mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThOuSaNd LiVeS sO i CoUlD bRiNg DoWn My MoThErFuCkInG rIgHtEoUs ReVeNgE oN hIm LiKe He DeSeRvEs!  
TC: lOoK hErE iAgO, tHeRe’S nO mOrE mOtHeRfUcKiNg LoVe AlL uP iN hErE.  
TC: iT’s AlL bEeN tUrNeD tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg VeNgEaNcE.  
AG: Hang on a second, there.  
TC: hOnK!!!! >:o(  
AG: Patience! Your mind may change.  
TC: NoT mOtHeRfUcKiNg LiKeLy. I dOn’T mOtHeRfUcKiNg SwAy ThAt EaSy.  
He kneels.  
TC: nOw By YoNd MoThErFuCkInG mArBlE hEaVeN, i MoThErFuCkInG sWeAR wHaT i WiLl Do WhAt I aM aLl Up AnD sAyInG.  
AG: Don’t rise yet.  
She kneels.  
AG: I just want everyone to witness that Iago is giving up her wit, hands and heart to wronged Othello’s service! Let him command, and to o8ey shall 8e in me whatever 8loody 8usiness he desires.  
They rise.  
TC: I aM mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThAnKfUl To YoU mY sPiDeR-sIs, AnD wIlL mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaKe YoU uP oN yOuR vOw.   
TC: wItHiN tHeSe ThReE dAyS i BeTtEr HeAr ThAt CaSsIo’S mOtHeRfUcKiNg DeAd.  
AG: My friend is dead, it’s done at your request. Don’t kill Desdemona, though.  
TC: dAmN hEr To HeLl AnD bAcK. >:o(  
TC: I gOt To ThInK oF sOmE wAy To MoThErFuCkInG eNd HeR.  
TC: cOmE wItH mE, yOu’Re My LiEuTeNaNt NoW.  
AG: Works for me.

Exeunt.


	11. Act III, Scene 4

III.4 Enter Desdemona [TG], Emilia [GA], and Clown [TT].

TG: hey u  
TG: do u know where cassio sleeps?  
TT: I wouldn’t dare to say.  
TG: why not?  
TT: Why, if he sleeps he lies, and for me to say a soldier lies is a stabbing.  
TG: oh come on  
TG: where does he live?  
TT: To tell you where he lives is to tell you where I lie.   
TG: wtf is that supposed to mean  
TT: I know not where he live, and for me to devise a lodging, and say he lies here or lies there, is to lie in my own throat.  
TG: well cant you go ask????  
TT: Oh, I suppose.  
TG: ok good go do that  
TG: tell him ive moved my lor on his behalf and hope all will be well  
TT: Sounds doable.  
Exit.  
TG: oh my god emilia  
TG: i cant believe i los t that handkerchief  
TG: where could it be????  
GA: I Know Not Madam  
TG: idve rather lost my purse full of money  
TG: thank god othellos not the jealous type tho cuz otherwise thisd probably make him al suspiecious an shit  
GA: Is He Not Jealous  
TG: who him?  
TG: no way!  
TG: i think the sun where he waws born burned all that outta him  
Enter Othello [TC].  
GA: Look Where He Comes  
TG: i wont leave him until cassio is called to him  
TG: hey babe <3  
TG: hows it goin?   
TC: nOt ToO mOtHeRfUcKiNg BaD.  
TC: (i HaTe PuTtInG oN a MoThErFuCkInG fAcE lIkE tHiS.)  
TC: HoW aRe YoU?  
TG: im doin well :)  
TC: LeMmE sEe YoUr HaNd. It’S aLl kInDs Of MoThErFuCkInG mOiSt.  
TG: thats cuz its felt no age nor known no sorrow  
TC: It SaYs YoU’rE uP aNd TeN kInDs Of GiViNg, BuT i’M tHiNkInG a LiTtLe MoThErFuCkInG pRaYeR aNd FaStInG mIgHt Be BrInGiNg It SoMe TeMpErAnCe.  
TC: BuT iT’s A gOoD hAnD.  
TG: you might way so  
TG: *say  
TG: its the hand that gave away my heart <3  
TC: Oh, WeLl ThEn ThAt’S a GeNeRoUs HaNd FoR mOtHeRfUcKiNg SuRe.   
TC: sEeMs Of OlD pEoPlE wErE uP aNd GiViNg HaNdS iN mArRiAgE wItH tHeIr HeArTs, BuT nOw PeOpLe ArE jUsT mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThRoWiNg ArOuNd ThEiR hAnDs WiThOuT tHeIr HeArTs.   
TG: oh well i dunno about that  
TG: but cmon you promised!  
TC: WhAt PrOmIsE, cHiCa?  
TG: i sent to cassio to come talk w/ u  
TC: MaN i GoT a WiCkEd NeEd To BlOw My NoSe AlL oF a SuDdEn. LeT mE bOrRoW yOuR hAnDkErChIeF.  
TG: here u go  
TC: WhAt AbOuT tHe OnE i GaVe YoU?  
TG: um  
TG: i dont have it with me  
TC: nO?  
TG: no sorry :(  
TC: tHaT’s A mOtHeRfUcKiNg ShAmE, mY lUsUs WaS aLl Up AnD GeTtInG tHaT fRoM aN EgYpTiAn. ShE tOlD hIm ThAt As LoNg As He WaS mOtHeRfUcKiNg KeEpInG iT hE wAs KeEpInG tHe LoVe Of WhOeVeR hE wAs Up AnD wAnTiNg, BuT aS sOoN aS hE wAs lOsInG iT tHeY wOuLd Be AlL kInDs Of LeAvInG hIm.   
TC: He GaVe It To Me On HiS mOtHefUcKiNg DeAtHbEd AnD tOlD mE i WaS tO bE gIvInG iT tO mY wIfE wHeN i WaS gEtTiNg MySeLf MoThErFuCkInG hItChEd.  
TC: KeEp YoUr EyE oN iT, iF iT bE uP aNd GeTtInG lOsT oR gIvEn AwAy ThErE’s PeRdItIoN aS nOtHiNg ElSe CoUlD mAtCh.  
TG: oh  
TG: really?  
TC: nOtHiNg BuT tHe MoThErFuCkInG tRuTh, ThErE’s MaGiC wOvEn InTo ThOsE tHrEaDs By A mOtHeRfUcKiNg SiByL wHo Up AnD pRoPhEsIeD tHe EnD oF tHe WoRlD, tHe SiLk Is FrOm WoRmS wHaT wErE hAlLoWeD, aNd It’S dYeD iN bLoOd fRoM mAiDeNs’ HeArTs.  
TG: no shit?  
TG: is it really?  
TC: AbSoDaMnLuTeLy, So Be MoThErFuCkInG kEePiNg TrAcK oF iT.  
TG: boy i really wish id never seen it now  
TC: WhY tHe MoThErFuCk NoT?  
TG: whoa why you shoutin like that???  
TC: Is SoMeThInG aLl Up AnD hApPenEd To It? Is It MoThErFuCkInG lOsT? Is It GoNe?  
TG: jesus h chist!  
TG: *christ  
TC: sPeAk!  
TG: its not lost i promise!!!!  
TG: but hypotheiclatlly speakin  
TG: *hypotheicalyy  
TG: what if it was?  
TC: wHaT?  
TG: i said its not lost  
TC: FeTcH iT, lEt Me MoThErFuCkInG sEe It.  
TG: okay i totally could if i wanted to but im not!   
TG: i know what youre doin  
TG: youre tryin to distract me from bringin cassio in  
TG: but im not tricked that easy ;)  
TC: JuSt LeT mE bE sEeInG tHe MoThErFuCkInG hAnDkErChIeF, pUt My MiNd AlL uP aT eAsE.  
TG: cmon pleeeeeaase  
TG: youre not gonna meet a better man  
TC: tHe HaNdKeRcHiEf!  
TG: hes spent all his time for ur love  
TG: givin up everythin for u an shared dangers w/ u  
TC: I sAiD tHe MoThErFuCkInG hAnDkErChIeF!  
TG: okay real talk youre not behaving very well rn  
TC: MoThErFuCkEr!  
Exit Othello.  
GA: Youre Right  
GA: Hes Not Jealous At All  
TG: ive never seen this before  
TG: shit maybe that handkerchief really had magical qualities  
TG: cant believe i fuckin lost it  
GA: It Takes Years To Know A Man  
GA: Unfortunately Most Of Them Are Governed Entirely By Their More Primal Desires  
Enter Iago [AG] and Cassio [CA].  
GA: Look  
GA: Cassio And My Wife  
AG: There’s no other way, she’s got to do it.  
AG: And then everything will 8e great! Go and talk to her.  
TG: hey there cassio  
TG: whats the news with u  
CA: look i dont mean to beat a dead fourlegged transport beast but this is really important to me  
CA: you gotta get me to talk to othello so i can be a member a his lovve again  
CA: i wwouldnt do this if id done somethin so bad none a my prior servvice could redeem it  
CA: an if thats the case then just let me knoww so i can be on my wway an leavve you all alone  
TG: awwwww poor cassio  
TG: honestly things arent goin too well  
TG: smths up with othello hes just not himself at all :(  
TG: ive really tried to argue for you!  
TG: hes just in a really bad mood  
TG: youve got to be patient but i promse ill get it sorted out  
AG: Is my lord angry?  
GA: He Just Left And Certainly In Strange Unquietness  
AG: Wow, I’ve never seen him angry 8efore, not even when his own soldiers were 8eing 8lown up 8y cannons.   
AG: Something must have reeeeaaaally pissed him off!  
AG: I’ll go talk to him.  
TG: oh please to so  
TG: *do  
Exit Iago.  
TG: u kno what i bet its somethin from venicer o r goin wrong here in cyprus thats upseettin him  
TG: hes just takin out all his pissiness here  
TG: right cuz thats just what people do   
TG: a big things botherin you so you make a big deal outta the little things  
TG: i mean hes just a troll i cant expect him to be actin like a god  
TG: fuck me emilia im an awful person  
TG: here he was all worried an angry about some official war thing an im all up and botherin him about this shit  
GA: I Would Hope That Its State Matters As You Think  
GA: And Not Some Conception Or Jealousy Concerning You  
TG: it cant be!!!!  
TG: i havent done anthin   
GA: Unfortunately That Is Hardly Relevant  
GA: Jealous Souls Will Not Be Answered So  
GA: They Are Not Ever Jealous For The Cause But Jealous Because Theyre Jealous  
GA: It Is A Monster Born On Itself  
TG: heaven keep the monster from othellos mind!  
GA: Amen  
TG: im gonna go find him  
TG: cassio stick around  
TG: if i can talk to him ill make sure i argue for you  
CA: thanks a ton  
Exit Desdemona with Emilia. Enter Bianca [TG].  
TG: hey cassio my man  
CA: wwhat are you doin here  
CA: howws it goin my most fair Bianca  
CA: i wwas just goin ovver to your house  
TG: no shit i was just going to yours  
TG: you havent been over an entire week thats just goddamn ungrateful  
TG: not to mention upsetting  
CA: aw shit im sorry  
CA: ivve just been dealin wwith some problems  
CA: but i promise ill make up all that lost time once its solved  
CA: oh can you do me a favvor  
Gives her Desdemona’s handkerchief.  
CA: can you copy the pattern on this  
TG: what the hell   
TG: is this from some newer friend  
TG: no wonder youve been gone this explains everything  
TG: has it really come to this  
TG: i cant fuckin believe it  
CA: wwait no no  
CA: thats preposterous  
CA: youre jealous this is from some other mistress but i promise it isnt   
TG: then whose is it  
CA: i dont knoww i just found it in my room  
CA: i like it a lot but someone probably wwants it back  
CA: so i thought you could copy the pattern before i havve to return it  
CA: here take it an leavve me for noww  
TG: leave you  
TG: why  
CA: im attendin the general and i kinda dont wwant him seein you here around wwith me  
TG: oh am i not good enough  
TG: i see how it is  
CA: no no no no  
CA: i swwear i lovve you  
TG: not enough apparently  
TG: walk with me a little bit and tell me if ill see you tonight  
CA: i cant really go with you but i swwear ill see you soon  
TG: well its a start

Exeunt.


	12. Act IV, Scene 1

IV.1 Enter Othello [TC] and Iago [AG].

AG: Will you think so?  
TC: tHiNk So, IaGo?  
AG: I mean, it’s just a kiss.  
TC: a MOtHeRfUcKiN uNaUtHoRiZeD kIsS.  
AG: Shit, she could 8e naked in 8ed with a friend and technically not do anything.   
TC: YeAh BeCaUsE eVeRy MoThErFuCkEr WhAt LiEs NaKeD iN bEd WiTh SoMeOnE iSn’T uP aNd GeTtInG iT oN.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN TeMpTiNg ThE dEvIl.  
AG: Well, as long as they do nothing it’s not that 8ad. 8ut if I gave my wife a handkerchief –  
TC: wHaT tHeN?  
AG: Well, then it’s hers, and she can give it to whoever the hell she wants.  
TC: sHe’S mOtHeRfUcKiN Up AnD oWnInG hEr HoNoR tOo. CaN sHe Be Up AnD gIvInG tHaT tO aNy MoThErFuCkEr WhAt WaNtS iT?  
AG: Honor’s not really something you can just give to people, 8ut a handkerchief –  
TC: mOtHeRfUcK tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN HaNdKeRcHiEf!   
TC: I wAnT iT oUt Of My MOtHeRfUcKiN tHiNkPaN, bUt It KeEpS hAnGiNg ArOuNd LiKe A mOtHeRfUcKiN RaVeN aT a PlAgUe HoUsE.   
TC: yOu SaId He HaD hEr HaNdKeRcHiEf.  
AG: Yeah, so what?  
TC: tHaT’s NoT sO mOtHeRfUcKiN GoOd.  
AG: What if I’d said I saw him do you wrong? Or heard him say –  
TC: hAs He BeEn Up AnD sAyInG aNyThInG?  
AG: He has, 8ut nothing he’ll unsay.   
TC: WhAt HaS hE sAiD?  
AG: That he did – I don’t know what he did.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN WhAt?  
AG: Lie –  
TC: WiTh HeR?  
AG: With her, on her; what you will.  
TC: hOnK! >:oO  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN MoThErFuCkEr HoOoOoOoOoOoOnK!!!!!!  
Falls in a trance.  
AG: Suck it, 8itch. That’s what happens when you mess with a mastermind like me! >::::D  
AG: Othello, wake up! My lord!  
Enter Cassio.  
AG: Hey, Cassio.  
CA: wwhats wwrong wwith him  
AG: Oh, he fell into some kind of epileptic fit. It’s his second, he had one yesterday.  
CA: rub him about the temples  
AG: Nah, it’s 8etter to just let him lie there. If not, he foams at the mouth, and 8y and 8y 8reaks out to savage madness. It’s really gross.  
AG: Look, he’s coming out of it. Withdraw for a 8it while he recovers, and when he’s gone I want to talk to you.  
Exit Cassio.  
AG: How are you, general? Have you hurt your head?  
TC: ArE yOu MoThErFuCkIn MoCkInG mE?  
AG: Of course not!!!!!!!!  
AG: I just wish you would 8ear your fortune like a man.  
TC: A tRiCkEd MaN’s A mOtHeRfUcKiN mOnStEr AnD a BeAsT.  
AG: Then there’s a lot of 8easts and monsters out there.  
TC: dId He Up AnD cOnFeSs It?  
AG: Look, there’s no need to get so worked up a8out this. It happens to guys everywhere! In fact, you’re actually 8etter off, 8ecause most of those poor suckers don’t even know they’re being cheated on. Ugh, can you imagine sleeping with someone in a 8ed she’d 8een fucking other guys in?  
AG: You’re 8etter off knowing, trust me.  
TC: yOu’Re MoThErFuCkIn RiGhT.  
AG: Listen to me, I’ve got a plan.  
AG: While you were lying on the floor 8eing all overwhelmed – which 8y the way is totally uncool – Cassio stopped 8y. I told him you were sick and told him to come 8ack l8er, which he promised to do. Go hide 8ehind the curtains or something, and watch while I ask him a8out Desdemona, and you can see what a tool he is!  
AG: 8ut 8e patient!!!!!!!! Otherwise none of this is going to work.  
TC: oH, i’Ll Be MoThErFuCkIn pAtIeNt AlL rIgHt.  
TC: BuT bLoOdY tOo.  
AG: Nothing wrong with that!  
AG: Quick, hide now.  
Othello retires.  
AG: Hahaha, I’m going to ask Cassio a8out 8ianca, his whore 8oyfriend. The guy always gets these dum8 grins when he’s talking a8out him.   
Enter Cassio [CA].  
AG: This is going to drive Othello up the fucking wall.  
AG: Hey, lieutenant, how’s it going?  
CA: evven wworse wwhen you use the title im missin   
AG: You just gotta keep talkin to Desdemona and you’ll get it 8ack no time.  
AG: Now, if 8ianca were the one doing it…  
CA: ehehehehe really though  
TC: (loOk at hiM mOtherfUckIn LaughIng.)  
AG: I didn’t think anyone could love you that much!   
CA: i dunno personally i think theres a lot to lovve here  
TC: (you moTherFucKer.)  
AG: Word on the street is the two of you are getting hitched pretty soon.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: oh my god thats hilarious  
TC: (lauGh, motherFuckeR, lAuGh.)  
CA: me marry  
CA: wwhat a joke are you serious  
AG: Dude, everyone’s saying it.   
CA: dont lie to me  
AG: I’m a villain if I do.  
CA: nah man thats just bi talkin an spreadin rumors  
CA: hes convinced im gonna marry him outta honor an true lovve   
TC: (iago’s beckoning, he must be up and wanting me to listen)  
CA: poor thing keeps followwin me around  
CA: the other day i wwas hangin out wwith some vvenetians an up comes the bauble an hugs me like this an is just all ovver me  
CA: you shoulda seen it  
CA: not sure i can keep up this life a sin to be honest  
Enter Bianca [TG].  
AG: Look who’s here!  
CA: you again  
CA: man you just keep hauntin me dont you  
TG: yeah i am just ghosting it up in here  
TG: boo motherfucker  
TG: who you gonna call  
CA: wwhat  
TG: look what the hell is with this handkerchief you gave me  
TG: bianca take this handkerchief  
TG: bianca copy the embroidery  
TG: bianca please i love you so much  
TG: bullshit  
TG: and you just happened to find this lying around in your chamber for no reason  
TG: double bullshit  
TG: theres your dumb handkerchief  
TG: go give it back to the slut you got it from  
CA: swweet bianca  
CA: please  
TC: (tHaT’s my mothErFucKiN hanDkErChIeF!)  
TG: come to dinner tonight or im never inviting you over again  
Exit.  
AG: Dude, go after him!  
CA: faith i must  
CA: hell start complainin in the streets if i dont  
AG: Will you dine there?  
CA: i intend so  
AG: Well, maybe I’ll see you again, I’ve got lots more to talk a8out with you.  
CA: you could come wwith me  
AG: Haha, good one. See ya!  
Exit Cassio. Othello comes forward.  
TC: WeLl, IaGo, HoW ShAlL I Be uP AnD MoThErFuCkIn MuRdErInG HiM?  
AG: Did you see how he laughed a8out the whole thing?  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn DiD.  
AG: And did you see the handkerchief?  
TC: WaS ThAt mInE?  
AG: It a8solutely was! And look how much value he places on it – he gave it to his whore!  
TC: I’d hAvE HiM NiNe yEaRs a-kIlLiNg, ThE MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: aHhHhH DeSdEmOnA…   
AG: Nope, you’ve got to forget that.  
TC: Ay, LeT HeR MoThErFuCkIn rOt aNd pErIsH, aNd bE DaMnEd ToNiGhT, fOr sHe wIlL NoT LiVe.  
TC: mY HeArT iS AlL Up aNd tUrNeD To mOtHeRfUcKiN StOnE, mY bLoOdPuShEr aLl cAlCiFiEd aNd hArD.  
TC: oH, tHe wOrLd aIn’t hAvInG A SwEeTeR GiRl, ShE CoUlD LaY By aN EmPeRoR AnD CoMmAnD HiM.  
AG: I’m telling you, you can’t think like that.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKeR! I’m jUsT TeLlInG It LiKe iT Is!   
TC: mY GoRgEoUs gIrL, sHe cOuLd bE SiNgInG ThE SaVaGeNeSs oUt oF A MoThErFuCkIn bEaR If sHe wAs wAnTiN To, My sMaRt cReAtIvE WiTtY –  
AG: That just makes what she did worse.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN A ThOuSaNd tImEs wOrSe! OuT Of sO GeNtLe a cOnDiTiOn!  
AG: Yeah, too gentle.   
TC: tHaT’S ThE MoThErFuCkIn pItY Of iT, iAgO.  
AG: Look, if you’re so fond of her despite what she did, then let her keep doing it. If it doesn’t 8other you, then who cares!  
TC: I WiLl tEaR HeR InTo mOtHeRfUcKiN ShReDs!  
AG: What she did was fucked up.  
TC: wItH My oFfIcEr!  
AG: That’s even more fucked up.  
TC: iAgO, GeT Me SoMe PoIsOn tHiS MoThErFuCkInG NiGhT, i AiN’T AlL DiScUsSiNg iT WiTh hEr aNd rIsK GeTtInG TeMpTeD By hEr wIcKeD BoDy. ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN NiGhT!  
AG: Don’t do it with poison. Strangle her in her 8ed, the one she contamin8ed.  
TC: ThAt’s mOtHeRfUcKiN rIgHtEoUs jUsTiCe, ShIt’s gOoD.  
AG: And as for Cassio, leave him to me. You’ll hear more by midnight.  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn sPlEnDiD.  
A trumpet.  
TC: WhAt’s tHaT?  
AG: Pro8a8ly something from Venice.  
Enter Lodovico [AC], Desdemona [TG], and Attendants.  
AG: It’s Lodovico, this comes from the duke. Oh look, your wife’s with him.  
AC: :33 < *the returning hunter greets the mighty general!*  
TC: WhAt dO We mOtHeRfUcKiNg hAvE HeRe?  
AC: :33 < the duke and senators of venice greet you  
Gives him a letter.  
TC: i MoThErFuCkIn kIsS tHe iNsTrUmEnT Of tHeIr pLeAsUrEs.  
Opens the letter and reads.  
TG: hey cousin lodo!  
TG: whats the news?  
AG: I’m very glad to see you, signora. Welcome to Cyprus!  
AC: :33 < thanks!  
AC: :33 < hows lieutenant catsio?  
AG: He’s alive.  
TG: theres kinda a fallin out between him an my boytoy  
TG: but you can help me fix it! :)  
TC: aRe YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN SuRe?  
TG: my lord?  
AC: :33 < hes still reading the letter  
AC: :33 < somethings going on between my lord and catsio?  
TG: yeah  
TG: an its a real shitty situation  
TG: i just wanna help out an fix it  
TG: i feel rly bad 4 cassio  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN FiRe aNd bRiMsToNe!  
TG: othello?  
TG: shit hes really angry  
AC: :33 < maybe the letter upset him  
AC: :33 < i think the duke might be commanding him to return home to venice and putting catsio in his place here  
TG: oh good!   
TG: im glad :)  
TC: oH ReAlLy?  
TG: what is it?  
TC: I’m mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLaD To sEe yOu aLl uP AnD OuT Of yOuR MoThErFuCkIn tHiNkPaN.  
TG: othello literally what the hell  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn dEvIl!  
Strikes her.  
TG: owww!!  
TG: what the hell was that for????  
AC: :OO < this would nefur be believed in venice!  
AC: :33 < my lord, make amends! shes crying  
TC: I’M NoT Up aNd bEiNg mOtHeRfUcKiN DeCiEvEd bY MoThErFuCkIn fAlSe cRoCoDiLe tEaRs.   
TC: oUt oF My mOtHeRfUcKiN SiGhT! >:o(  
TG: fine im goin :'(  
AC: :33 < call her back right now!  
TC: MiStReSs!  
TG: yeah?  
TC: WhAt aRe yOu mOtHeRfUcKiN WaNtInG WiTh hEr?  
AC: :33 < *ac looks around in confusion*  
AC: :33 < who, me?  
TC: YoU, mOtHeRfUcKeR. yOu wErE ThE OnE Up aNd rEqUeStInG ThAt i bE CaLlInG HeR BaCk aGaIn.  
TC: sHe’s rEaL MoThErFuCkIn oBeDiEnT, sHe’lL StAy aNd gO AnD CrY AnD LaUgH –  
TC: KeEp MoThErFuCkIn CrYiNG!  
TC: oH YeAh, AnD AbOuT ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN LeTtEr. LoOkS LiKe tHe dUkE Is uP AnD WaNtInG Me tO Be rEtUrNiNg hOmE, aNd i aM TeN KiNdS Of wIlLiNg tO ObEy.  
TC: GeT ThE MoThErFuCk oUt oF HeRe!  
Exit Desdemona.  
TC: cAsSiO CaN TaKe mY PlAcE, wHy tHe mOtHeRfUcK NoT. lEt’s aLl dInE ToGeThEr tOniGhT.  
TC: gOaTs aNd mOtHeRfUcKiN mOnKeYs!  
Exit.  
AC: :33 < woooooow  
AC: :33 < hes really changed since he left  
AC: :33 < he used to be so noble and unshakeable  
AG: Yeah, something sure happened. I wonder what.  
AC: :33 < *ac wonders if maybe something affected his mind…*  
AG: Honestly? I don’t even fucking know. It’s not my place to say.  
AC: :33 < he hit his wife!  
AG: That was pretty shitty, wasn’t it? I just wish that’s the worst thing he does.  
AC: :33 < does he do that a lot?  
AC: :33 < or was he just upset by the letters?  
AG: Look, I can’t talk a8out it. Just keep an eye on him and see what happens.   
AC: :33 < i cant believe i thought he was a decent guy 

Exeunt.


	13. Act IV, Scene 2

IV.2 Enter Othello [TC] and Emilia [GA].

TC: yOu hAvEn’t bEeN Up aNd sEeInG AnYtHiNg, ThEn?  
GA: I Have Not  
GA: Nor Heard Nor Suspected Anything Either  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn lIeS, yOu’vE SeEn hEr aNd cAsSiO ToGeThEr.  
GA: Well Yes  
GA: But There Was No Harm And I Heard Every Syllable Said Between Them  
TC: WhAt, ThEy wEreN’T MoThErFuCkIn wHiSpErInG?  
GA: Never  
TC: Or sEnD YoU OuT Of tHe wAy?  
GA: Not Once  
TC: nOt eVeN To mOtHeRfUcKiN fEtCh hEr fAn, HeR GlOvEs, HeR MaSk, AnYtHiNg?  
GA: No  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn sTrAnGe.  
GA: I Am Not A Gambler But If I Were I Would Wager She Is Honest  
GA: For You To Think Otherwise Is Hurting Not Only Her But You As Well  
GA: Whoever Put This In Your Head Deserves The Serpents Bite  
GA: If She Is Not Honest Chaste And True Then There Is No Man Whose Wife Is Faithful  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn fEtCh hEr hErE.  
Exit Emilia.  
TC: lIkE I’M Up aNd mOtHeRfUcKiN BeLiEvIn yOu, YoU DuMb bItCh, LiKe dEsI AiN’T PuLlInG ThE WoOl oVeR YoUr eYeS As wElL.  
Enter Desdemona [TG] and Emilia [GA].  
TG: my lord  
TG: what is ur will  
TC: C’MeRe cHiCa.  
TG: why  
TC: LeT Me bE LoOkIn aT ThOsE PrEtTy pInK PeEpErS Of yOuRs, MoThErFuCkIn lOoK In mY FaCe.  
TG: wtfs wrong with u  
TC: EmIlIa, NoT ThAt i’m nOt aLl uP AnD ApPrEcIaTiNg yOu, BuT YoU NeEd tO Be mOtHeRfUcKiN Up aNd oUt oF HeRe.  
TC: Go sTaNd bY ThE MoThErFuCkIn dOoR AnD CoUgH Or sOmE ShIt iF SoMeOnE’S GeTtInG ThEiR ApPrOaCh oN.   
TC: gO On, GeT OuT.  
Exit Emilia.  
TG: othello whats wrong :(  
TG: pls ples for the love of god tell me  
TG: ur angry this isnt like u  
TC: WhAt tHe mOtHeRfUcK ArE YoU.  
TG: ur wife  
TG: ur true an loyal wife  
TC: tHeN MoThErFuCkIn sWeAr iT! uNlEsS YoU Be uP AnD WiLlInG To fAcE AlL ThEm dEmOnS AnD DeViLs wHaT SeIzE ThE DaMnEd.  
TG: heave knows im true  
TG: *heaven  
TC: hEaVeN KnOwS ThAt yOu’rE MoThErFUcKiNg fAlSe aS HeLl!  
TG: ok wtf who am i false to?????  
TG: you? D:  
TG: with who??!!?!?!  
TC: aHhHhH DeSdEmOnA, gO ThE MoThErFuCk AwAy…  
TG: oh nooooo yur cryin dont cry :(  
TG: its okay  
TG: look if you tink its my fathers fault were bein claled ack to venice its not i promise  
TG: if he doesnt care abt you then i dont care about him  
TC: HaD It mOtHeRfUcKiN PlEaSeD HeAvEn tO TrY Me wItH AfFlIcTiOn, To rAiN SoReS AnD ShAmEs oN My mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd, StEeP Me iN MoThErFuCkIn pOvErTy, AnD ShUt mE AnD My mOtHeRfUcKiN HoPeS Up iN CaPtIvItY, i sTiLl wOuLd hAvE BeEn uP AnD FiNdInG A LiTtLe bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn pAtIeNcE.  
TC: bUt wHeN I Am mOtHeRfUcKiN LaUgHeD At aNd sCoRnEd bY ThE SlOw fInGeR Of tImE, aNd tHe fOuNtAiN ThAt mOtHeRfUcKiN FiLlS My hEaRt iS AlL DrIeD Up aNd fIlLeD WiTh mOtHeRfUcKiN ToAdS AnD ShIt –  
TG: pleawse please please believe me  
TG: im not lyin to you about anyting  
TC: I WiSh yOu’d nEvEr mOtHeRfUcKiN BeEn bOrN.  
TG: would you just TELL me what i did wrong???  
TC: yOu MoThErFuCkIn KnoW!  
TG: no i dont!!!!!  
TC: aRe yOu a mOtHeRfUcKiN WhOrE?  
TG: what :O  
TG: no way!  
TC: ArE YoU SuRe?  
TG: yes!!!!!  
TC: mY MoThErFuCkIn aPoLoGiEs, I ThOuGhT YoU WeRe tHaT MoThErFuCkIn wHoRe oF VeNiCe wHaT MaRrIeD OtHeLlO.  
TC: hEy yOu oUt tHeRe, YoU CaN CoMe bAcK InSiDe.  
Enter Emilia [GA].  
TC: I’Ve sAiD My mOtHeRfUcKiN PiEcE.  
Exit.  
GA: Desdemona Are You Okay  
TG: im a little zdad tbh  
TG: *dazed  
GA: Whats The Matter With My Lord  
TG: who?  
GA: My Lord  
TG: who is that  
GA: Your Husband  
TG: i have none  
TG: look emilia im not really feeloin all to chatty tonite  
TG: just go do a couple things for me  
TG: go put my wedding sheets on my bed and bring your husband here  
GA: Somethings Certainly Changed  
Exit.  
TG: i ust  
TG: *just  
TG: i jusr dont fuckin understand  
Enter Emilia [GA] and Iago [AG].  
AG: Hey, what can I do for you? How’s it going?  
TG: i dont realloy know  
TG: ok if i fuckd osmthing up then i get it but eh could have ust TOLD me  
TG: *something  
TG: not screamed and shouted at me  
AG: What happened?  
GA: Othello Has Been Calling Her Names And Accusing Her Of Infidelity For The Better Part Of A Day Now  
TG: isthat what i am now iago?  
AG: Is what?  
TG: what othello said i am  
GA: He Called Her A Whore  
GA: A Drunken Beggar Could Not Have Been As Insulting  
AG: Why the hell would he do that?  
TG: i dunno  
TG: i havent done antying :’(  
AG: Aw, come on, don’t cry. Crying’s for sissies!  
GA: If You Had Left Behind Your Family Your Friends And Your Country To Marry Someone Only To Have Them Call You A Whore You Would Weep Too  
AG: No, I wouldn’t.  
TG: its my wretched fortune  
AG: Fuck him, honestly. Why’s he doing this?  
TG: no idea :(  
GA: Some Eternal Villain Some Busy and Insinuating Rogue Has Devised This Slander I Bet My Life On It  
AG: No way, who on earth would do such a thing?  
TG: if someone has then heaven pardon him  
GA: A Noose Pardon Him And Hell Gnaw His Bones  
GA: Why Should He Call You Whore When You Are The Most Loyal Person In Venice  
GA: Othello Is Being Abused By Some Base Notorious Scurvy Fellow Who Deserves To Be Lashed Naked Through The World From The East To The West  
AG: Keep your voice down, jeez.  
GA: Fuck Them  
GA: Its Because Of People Like That Your Wit Was Turned Inside Out And You Suspected Me With Othello  
AG: You’re an idiot, fuck you!  
TG: iago what do i do to win othello back  
TG: help me please  
TG: i dont even know what i didi worng and i dont een care! i just want him back  
AG: All right, all right, calm your tits. He’s just in a 8ad mood because of this whole affairs of state thing, and he’s taking it out on you.  
TG: is that really all?  
AG: A8solutely.  
Trumpets within.  
AG: Oh look, more messengers. Go inside, and for the love of God stop crying. It’s going to 8e fine.  
Exeunt Desdemona and Emilia. Enter Roderigo [EB].  
AG: Hey, Roderigo, how’s it going?  
EB: i don’t think you’re being fair with me.  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat? No way.   
EB: yes way! you keep giving me all this shitty advice that doesn’t do anything except keep me out of the way of everything that’s going on, and i’m sick of it! i’m not going to put up with it any longer.  
AG: Roderigo, just listen to me.  
EB: i’ve already heard too much from you. besides, you say one thing and do another.  
AG: Ouch, that stings.  
EB: it’s true! besides, i don’t have any more money. those jewels you had me buy for desdemona would have won over a nun, and you say you gave them to her, but i haven’t heard anything from her!  
AG: That’s hardly MY fault.  
EB: you’re a big sack of shit.  
AG: Fine.  
EB: No, it’s NOT fine! i’m going to go over to desdemona right now. if she returns the jewels, then i’m going to give up romancing her and leave her alone. if not, then i’m challenging you to a duel.  
AG: Dude, finally! You’re showing some real spitfire! Now I can reeeeaaaally include you in my plans. You know, I wasn’t sure 8efore, 8ut you just proved I can trust you. ::::)  
EB: what?  
AG: Look, Roderigo, something 8IG is going down, and I need someone with your purpose, courage, and valor tonight. Help me out, and I promise you’ll have Desdemona 8y tomorrow night, and if not take me from this world with treachery and devise engines for my life.  
EB: what’s the plan?  
AG: First of all, did you know that there’s a special order come from Venice to put Cassio in Othello’s place as governor?  
EB: really? then othello and desdemona must be going back to venice.  
AG: Nope! He’s going off to Mauritania or wherever the fuck indigo8loods live, and he’s taking Desi with him!  
AG: Unleeeeeeeess some accident required him to stay here longer, and the most surefire way of doing that would 8e removing Cassio.  
EB: what do you mean by remove him?  
AG: Why, 8y making him uncapa8le of Othello’s place – knocking out his 8rains.  
EB: and you want me to do that?  
AG: Only if you’ve got the guts to do it!   
AG: He’s having dinner tonight with some whore, and I’m going to go join him. He doesn’t know yet that he’s supposed to replace Othello. If you watch when he leaves, which I’ll make sure is 8etween twelve and one, you’re free to do whatever the fuck you want to him.   
AG: I’ll 8e around to 8ack you up, just in case something goes wrong.   
AG: Don’t stand there like an idiot, come with me.  
AG: 8elieve me, I’ll show you such a necessity for his death that you’ll feel honor-8ound to do it yourself. It’s almost suppertime, and the night grows to waste. Let’s go!  
EB: okay, but i’d like to hear more reasons for all of this.  
AG: And you’ll be satisfied.

Exeunt.


	14. Act IV, Scene 3

IV.3 Enter Othello [TC], Lodovico [AC], Desdemona [TG], Emilia [GA], and Attendants.

AC: :33 < please sir, trouble yourself no further  
TC: NaH, i’M ThInKiNg a WaLk iS AlL Up aNd gOiNg tO Be gOoD FoR My sOuL.  
AC: :33 < *the noble lord bids the gentle lady good night*  
TG: thanks  
TC: sIr, ArE YoU Up aNd wAlKiNg wItH Me?  
TC: Oh, DeSdEmOnA –  
TG: yes?  
TC: gO tHe mOtHeRfUcK To bEd, I’lL Be bAcK In tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN InStAnT. aNd dIsMiSs yOuR AtTeNdAnt.  
TG: ok  
Exit Othello with Lodovico and Attendants.  
GA: He Seems To Be In A Gentler Mood Than He Was Earlier  
TG: sigghghhhh  
TG: well i guess i better go to bed  
TG: since he commaned id and all  
GA: Are You Sure  
TG: i dont wana displease him  
TG: not now  
GA: I Wish Youd Never Seen Him  
TG: i dont  
TG: i mean how fuked up is it that after all this im still in love iwh him  
TG: *with  
GA: I Have Laid The Sheets You Bade Me On The Bed  
TG: oh ok  
TG: u knwo what dont think anything of theis ist just a dumb thought but  
TG: if i die before you wrap me up in one of these sheets  
GA: Thats A Silly Thing To Say  
TG: my mom had a maid called barabra   
TG: *barbara  
TG: she was in love with this dued but whe went totally bonkers ad left her  
TG: and therw as this song called willow or something that she sang alllt he time an it ttoally described what happened to her  
TG: *there was  
TG: *tottally  
TG: she died singing that supid song  
TG: and dnow its stuck in m head  
TG: i jut want to skeep skinging it  
TG: *singing  
GA: Shall I Go Fetch Your Nightgown  
TG: nah just undress me here  
TG: lodvicos a nice girl  
GA: A Very Handsome Woman  
TG: she speaks well  
GA: I Know A Lady in Venice Who Would Have Walked Barefoot To Palestine For A Touch Of Her Bottom Lip  
TG: the poor soul sat sighing by a sycamore tree  
TG: sing all a green willow  
TG: her hand on her bosom her head on her knee  
TG: sing willow willow willow  
TG: the fresh streams ran by her and murmured her moans  
TG: sing willow willow willow  
TG: her salt tears fell from her and sfotened the stones  
TG: *softened  
TG: look u better go hell be heare soon  
TG: whos knocking?!?  
GA: Its The Wind  
TG: i called my love false love but what said he then?  
TG: sing willow willow willow  
TG: if i court more women youll couch with more men  
TG: good night  
TG: my eyes itch does that mean im gonna cry again?  
GA: I Dont Think So  
TG: ive heard people say that  
TG: ugghhh men  
TG: hey emilia answer me honsetly  
TG: *honestly  
TG: are there really women who cheat on their hsubands?  
GA: Oh Absolutely  
TG: would you do it?  
GA: Would You  
TG: no by this heavenly light  
GA: I Would Not Do It By This Heavenly Light Either  
GA: Id Rather Do It In The Dark  
TG: emilia!! :O  
TG: would u do this for all the world?  
GA: The Worlds A Huge Thing  
GA: It Is A Great Price For A Small Vice  
TG: noooooo i dont think you would  
GA: I Think I Would  
GA: Not For A Ring Or Fabric Or Dresses Or Hats Or Any Petty Exhibition But For The Whole World  
GA: Who Would Not Make Their Spouse A Cuckold To Make Them A Monarch  
GA: I Would Venture Purgatory For It  
TG: well fuck me if i do such a wrong for the whole world  
GA: Why The Wrong Is Just A Wrong In The World  
GA: And Having The World For Your Labor It Is A Wrong In Your Own World And You Might Quickly Make It Right  
TG: i dont think theres any such woman  
GA: Believe Me There Are Many  
GA: But I Think It Is The Husbands Fault If The Wives Fall  
GA: If They Go Around Sleeping With Other Women Or Locking Us Up Or Strike Us Or Limit Our Income Then We Have Full Rights To Revenge  
GA: Let Husbands Know Their Wives Have Sense Like Them  
GA: What Is It That They Do When They Change Us For Others  
GA: Is It Sport  
GA: I Think It Is  
GA: And Does Affection Breed It  
GA: I Think It Does  
GA: Is It Frailty That So Errs  
GA: It Is So Too  
GA: And Have We Not Affections Desires For Sport And Frailty As Men Have   
GA: Then Let Them Use Us Well Else Let Them Know The Ills We Do Their Ills Instruct Us So  
TG: wow…  
TG: i hope i meet some of those women  
TG: nto to pick up any of there bad habids or anything but to help them  
TG: anyway   
TG: good night good night <3

Exeunt.


	15. Act V, Scene 1

V.1 Enter Iago [AG]  and Roderigo [EB].

AG: Here, stand 8ehind this column, he’ll 8e here soon. Make sure your sword’s out.  
AG: Hurry up!!!!!!!!  
AG: Dude, don’t worry, I’ll 8e right here. This is it, it’s now or never. Do you want to 8e a winner or a loser?  
EB: a winner.  
AG: That’s right!  
EB: don’t go too far okay? in case i fuck things up.  
AG: Oh my God, I’ll 8e right over here, okay? Sheesh, grow some 8alls.  
Stands aside.  
EB: oh man, i’m not sure i want to do this. on the other hand, iago had some really convincing reasons for his death…  
EB: what the hell, it’s just one guy dead. forth my sword! he dies!  
AG: I’ve got this pimple-face good and riled up, all according to plan.  
AG: And whether he kills Cassio or Cassio kills him, either way I win!  
AG: I mean, if Roderigo lives, he’s going to want 8ack all the gold and gems I took from him to “give” to Desdemona, but meanwhile, if Cassio lives, I’m always going to look 8ad compared to him, and Othello might end up giving away the whole thing to him.  
AG: Fuck it, may8e both of them should die.  
Enter Cassio [CA].  
EB: i know his gait, that’s him. die, asshole!  
Makes a pass at Cassio.  
CA: wwoww that thrust wwould of almost killed me if i hadnt been wwearin chain mail  
CA: lemme see if you are  
Draws and wounds  Roderigo.  
EB: aaaaaagggh!  
Iago leaps at Cassio from behind, wounds him in the leg, and exits.  
CA: owwwwww  
CA: oh my god im maimed forevver  
CA: help help murder murder  
Falls. Enter Othello [TC].  
TC: tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN VoIcE Of cAsSiO. iAgO KeEpS HeR WoRd.  
EB: i’m wounded!  
TC: It iS EvEn sO.  
CA: help help  
TC: WeLl, DeSdEmOnA, yOuR LoVe lIeS DeAd aNd yOuR MoThErFuCkIn uNrIgHtEoUs fAtE ApPrOaChEs. YoUr cHaRmS AnD EyEs aRe uP AnD MoThErFuCkIn bLoTtEd fRoM My hEaRt.  
TC: YoUr bEd, LuSt-sTaInEd, Is AbOuT To Be AlL SoAkEd iN ThE MoThErFuCkIn rIgHtEoUs bLoOd  
. Exit Othello. Enter Lodovico [AC] and Gratiano [AA].  
CA: wwhere the fuck is the wwatch  
CA: help murder murder  
AA: somethings happened! that voice sounds distressed  
CA: help  
AC: :33 < *the huntress pricks up her ears to listen to the call*  
EB: fucking asshole!  
AC: :33 < theres two or three wounded!  
AC: :33 < maybe theyre faking though  
AC: :33 < i think we should get more help before we go in there  
EB: if somebody doesn’t help me i’m gonna bleed to death!  
AC: :33 < look!  
Enter Iago [AG] with a light.  
AA: oh good  
AA: here comes someone with a light and weapons  
AG: Who’s there? Who the fuck is shouting about murder?  
AC: :33 < we dont know  
AG: Tell me you hear all the yelling.  
CA: ovver here  
CA: for the lovve a heavven help me  
AG: What’s wrong?  
AA: this is othellos flagbearer isnt it?  
AC: :33 < it is!  
AG: All right, who’s making all this racket?  
CA: ag is that you  
CA: oh my god im undone by vvillains  
CA: givve me some help  
AG: Lieutenant! Who the hell did this?  
CA: i think one a them is around here an cant get awway  
AG: Those fuckers.  
AG: What are you two doing standing around for? Get over here and help!  
EB: help me!!!!  
CA: thats one a them  
AG: Really?  
AG: Take this, you fucker!!!!!!!!  
Stabs Roderigo.  
EB: fuck you iago!!!  
AG: Shut the hell up, you whining pussy.  
AG: What’s with you two anyway, are you here to help or not?  
AC: :33 < i guess well see  
AG: Signor Lodovico?  
AC: :33 < thats me  
AG: Look, some8ody fucked Cassio up real good.  
AA: cassio?  
AG: How 8ad is it?  
CA: my legs cut in twwo  
AG: Oh noooooooo!  
AG: Give me a light, I’ll 8ind it with my shirt.  
Enter Bianca [TG].  
TG: whats going on  
TG: who was shouting  
AG: Who’s that?  
TG: oh my god cassio  
TG: cassio jesus christ no  
TG: no no no no no no no  
AG: Oh look, it’s the strumpet.  
AG: Cassio, do you know who did this to you?  
CA: no  
AA: wow im sorry this happened   
AA: ive been looking for you  
AG: Can some8ody give me a garter or something?   
AG: Man, if only we had a chair to carry you out of here.  
TG: hey cassio dont faint stay with me man  
TG: cassio cmon  
AG: Gentlemen, what do you 8et this trash is part of the whole plot?  
AG: Give me the light, I want to see who the stiff over here is.  
AG: Could this 8e my friend and countryman Roderigo? No way. Yes, it is! Alas, poor Roderigo!  
AA: roderigo of venice?  
AG: Even he. Did you know him?  
AA: yeah  
AG: Signor Gratiano! Of course it’s you. I’m sorry, with all this murder and mayhem I’ve completely forgotten my manners!  
AA: im glad to see you too  
AG: How’re you doing, Cassio?  
AG: Can we get a fucking sedan chair here or SOMETHING?  
AA: is that really roderigo?  
AG: It’s him!  
A stretcher brought in.  
AG: Fiiiiiiiinally. Get him out of here and take him to the surgeon.  
AG: Hey, whore, save your la8or.  
AG: Oh, Cassio, the man who’s dead here was my friend. What malice was 8etween you?  
CA: nothin  
CA: i barely kneww the guy  
AG: Get them out of here.  
Cassio and Roderigo are born off.  
AG: Hey you, prostitute, don’t think you’re going anywhere just yet.  
AG: Look how pale he is! I 8et he’s guilty, we’ll get a confession out of him any minute now.  
Enter Emilia [GA].  
GA: Whats Going On Now  
AG: Cassio was attacked in the dark by Roderigo and some other people that escaped. He’s almost slain, and Roderigo dead as a fucking doornail.  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: Poor Cassio  
AG: That’s what you get for whoring. Emilia, go ask Cassio where he had dinner tonight.   
AG: Unless the fucktoy here knows…  
TG: he ate at my house  
AG: Oh, DID he? You’re coming with me!  
GA: Shame On You Strumpet  
TG: im as good as any of you that insult me  
GA: I Dont Believe You  
AG: Gentlemen, let’s go make sure Cassio’s okay.  
AG: You, whore, go 8other someone else. Emilia, run to the citadel and tell my lord and lady what happened.   
Exit Emilia.  
AG: Come on, people, let’s go!  
Exit all but Iago.  
AG: This the night that either makes me a winner or a loser. And I’m definitely not a loser!!!!!!!! >::::D

Exit.


	16. Act V, Scene 2

V.2 Enter  Othello [TC] with a light and  Desdemona [TG]  asleep in her bed.

TC: it is the cause, it is the motherfucking cause, my soul.  
TC: I AIN’T MOTHREFUCKING NAMING IT TO YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING STARS.  
TC: and i ain’t shedding her motherfucking blood or scarring that whiter than motherfucking snow skin.  
TC: BUT SHE’S GOT TO BE MOTHERFUCKING DYING ELSE SHE’LL BETRAY MORE MOTHERFUCKIN MEN.  
TC: put out the light.  
TC: AND THEN PUT OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING LIGHT.  
TC: if i be putting out this motherfuckin candle i can all be lighting it again with my motherfucking whimsy.  
TC: BUT WHEN I PUT OUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LIGHT, AIN’T NOTHING I MOTHERFUCKING KNOW OF CAN BE RELIGHTING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FIRES.  
TC: when i pluck your rose i can’t be regrowing it.  
TC: IT MUST MOTHERFUCKIN WITHER.  
TC: let me be tasting you one last time…  
Kisses her.  
TC: O MOTHERFUCKING BALMY BREATH THAT MOTHERFUCKIN ALMOST PERSUADES JUSTICE TO BREAK HER MOTHERFUCKIN SWORD!  
TC: one more, one more.  
TC: BE LIKE THIS WHEN YOU’RE MOTHERFUCKIN DEAD AND I WILL MOTHERFUCKIN KILL YOU AND LOVE YOU MOTHERFUCKING AFTER.  
TC: one more, and that’s the motherfuckin last.  
TC: SO MOTHERFUCKING SWEET WASN’T EVER SO MOTHERFUCKING FATAL.  
TC: i got to be all up and crying, but they’re motherfucking cruel tears.  
TC: THIS MOTHERFUCKIN SORROW’S MOTHERFUCKIN HEAVENLY, IT STRIKES WHERE IT MOTHERFUCKIN LOVES.  
TC: she wakes.  
TG: whos there?  
TG: othello?  
TC: AY, DESDEMONA.  
TG: will u come to bed?   
TC: have you motherfucking prayed tonight, Desdemona?  
TG: yeah…  
TC: IF YOU MOTHERFUCKIN THINK OF ANY CRIME MOTHERFUCKIN UNRECONCILED BETWEEN YOU AND MOTHERFUCKIN GRACE, MOTHERFUCKIN PRAY FOR THAT SHIT NOW.  
TG: what the hell are yu talkin about D:  
TC: do it motherfuckin briefly, i ain’t killing your unprepared spirit.  
TC: HEAVEN MOTHERFUCKIN FORFEND, I AIN’T UP AND KILLING YOUR SOUL.  
TG: you  
TG: you said killing  
TC: i did.  
TG: well then heaven have mercy o me  
TG: *on  
TC: AMEN WITH ALL MY MOTHERFUCKING HEART.  
TG: well if us ay that than i hope yur not killin me  
TG: *say  
TC: honk. >:o(  
TG: no okay see thats really scary hwen you do that  
TG: lik that thing wiht ur eyes  
TG: *when  
TG: *whith  
TG: like i dont eevn know why im scared bfc i havent done anythin wrong b ut  
TG: oh god  
TC: THINK ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SINS.  
TG: theyr just loves i have for you!  
TC: and for that you motherfuckin die.  
TG: no no no why would you kill someone for lovin  
TG: wharst wrong whyre you chewin your lip like that  
TG: *whats  
TG: ur all upset your really mad whats wrong what is it  
TG: othello please  
TC: MOTHERFUCKING SHUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH.  
TG: just tell me whas wrong D:  
TC: the handkerchief that i loved so much and gave to you.  
TC: YOU MOTHERFUCKING GAVE TO MOTHERFUCKING CASSIO.  
TG: no no no no no i didnt!!!  
TG: send for him and ask him!!!!  
TC: motherfuckin take heed of lies and motherfuckin perjury, you’re on your motherfuckin deathbed.  
TG: yeah but  
TG: not to die  
TG: …right?  
TC: MOTHERFUCKING CONFESS ALL YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SINS, YOU CAN’T BE DENYING A SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING ONE OF THEM.  
TC: i got the righteous conviction that none of your motherfucking denials can be shaking.  
TC: YOU’RE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING DIE.  
TG: oh god o h god oh god   
TG: please  
TG: i never loved cassio like that i swear i never liked him as nantyhing more than a friend  
TG: *anything  
TC: I SAW THE MOTHERFUCKING HANDKERCHIEF IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING FILTHY HANDS!  
TC: you are turning my motherfucking heart to stone, and making me call a murder what i thought was a motherfucking sacrifice.  
TC: I SAW THE MOTHERFUCKING HANDKERCHIEF!  
TG: well then he found it i never gave it to him!!  
TG: send for him  
TG: hell tell the truth  
TC: he motherfucking confessed.  
TG: …confessed what?  
TC: THAT HE MOTHERFUCKING USED YOU.  
TG: what??? how???  
TG: that we boinked?  
TC: yeah.  
TG: he wouldnt say that :O  
TC: NO, HIS MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH IS UP AND MOTHERFUCKING STOPPED.  
TC: iago motherfuckin took care of it.  
TG: oh my god  
TG: is he dead?  
TC: HAD ALL HIS MOTHERFUCKIN HAIRS BEEN LIVES, MY MOTHERFUCKIN REVENGE WOULD HAVE BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN ENOUGH FOR THEM ALL.  
TG: oh my god oh my god omy god  
TG: hes betrayed and im undone  
TC: are you going to motherfucking weep for him to my face?  
TG: please please pleae  
TG: banish me but dont kill me  
TC: DOWN, MOTHERFUCKING STRUMPET!  
TG: okay okay how about this?  
TG: kill me tomorrow let me live tonite  
TC: no.  
TG: just half an hour!  
TC: I SAID MOTHERUCKING NO.  
TG: just let me say one prayer!!  
TC: it is too motherfucking late.  
Smothers her.  
TG: oh god oh god  
TG: oh god  
Emilia [GA] at the door.  
GA: My Lord My Lord  
GA: Hello  
TC: WHAT MOTHERFUCKING NOISE IS THIS?  
TC: still not motherfucking dead?   
GA: My Lord I Insist You Answer  
TC: WHO’S MOTHERFUCKING THERE?  
GA: My Lord I Need To Speak With You Immediately  
TC: it’s motherfucking emilia.  
TC: ONE MOTHERFUCKING SECOND.  
TC: she’s motherfucking dead.  
TC: I’LL MOTHERFUCKING BET SHE’S HERE TO TALK ABOUT MOTHERFUCKING CASSIO, MOTHERFUCKERS WERE SHOUTING ALL OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING TOWN.  
TC: what, no more motherfucking moving?  
TC: STILL AS THE MOTHERFUCKING GRAVE.  
TC: should she come in?  
TC: IF SHE MOTHERFUCKING DOES SHE’LL MOTHERFUCKING WANT TO SPEAK TO MY MOTHERFUCKING WIFE.  
TC: my wife? what wife.  
TC: I HAVE NO MOTHERFUCKING WIFE.  
GA: I Do Beseech You That I May Speak With You At Once My Lord  
TC: i motherfucking forgot you.  
TC: MOTHERFUCKING COME IN, EMILIA.  
Closes the bed curtains.  
TC: where the motherfuck are you?  
Opens the door. Enter Emilia.  
TC: WHAT’S THE MOTHERFUCKING MATTER WITH YOU?  
GA: My Lord Foul Murders Been Done  
TC: what, now?  
GA: Just Now  
TC: IT’S THE MOTHERFUCKIN MOON, SHE’S ALL UP AND MOTHERFUCKIN DRAWIN CLOSE TO THE EARTH, DRIVING MEN MOTHERFUCKIN MAD.  
GA: Cassio Has Killed A Young Venetian Called Roderigo  
TC: roderigo killed? and motherfucking cassio?  
GA: No Cassio Is Not Killed  
TC: THEN MOTHERFUCKING MURDER’S OUT OF TUNE AND MOTHERFUCKING REVENGE GROWS MOTHERFUCKING HARSH.  
TG: … falsely … murdered…  
GA: What On Earth Was That  
TC: that? what?  
GA: That Was My Ladys Voice  
GA: Help Help  
GA: Lady Speak Again  
TG: … a guiltless death i die…  
GA: Who Has Done This  
TG: … nobody…  
TG: … me…  
TG: …commend me to…my lord…  
TG: …farewell…  
Dies.  
TC: HOW THE MOTHERFUCK SHOULD SHE BE MURDERED?  
GA: Alas Who Knows  
TC: you heard her motherfucking say, it wasn’t being me.  
GA: She Did Say So  
GA: I Must Report The Truth  
TC: SHE’S A MOTHERFUCKING LIAR GONE TO MOTHERFUCKING HELL!  
TC: i motherfuckin killed her.  
GA: Oh The More Angel She And The Blacker Devil You  
TC: SHE TURNED TO MOTHERFUCKIN FOLLY AND WAS A MOTHERFUCKING WHORE.  
GA: You Belie Her And You Are A Devil  
TC: she was motherfuckin false as water.  
GA: You Are Rash As Fire To Say That She Was False  
GA: O She Was Heavenly True  
TC: MOTHERFUCKING CASSIO FUCKED HER, ASK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WIFE.  
TC: i am motherfucking damned in hell if what i did weren’t on just motherfucking grounds.  
TC: YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WIFE KNEW MOTHERFUCKING ALL.  
GA: My Wife  
TC: your wife.  
GA: That She Was Cheating On You  
TC: WITH MOTHERFUCKING CASSIO.  
TC: if she’d been motherfucking true i wouldn’t have traded her for a motherfucking miraculous world made of one motherfucking perfect diamond.  
GA: My Wife  
TC: YES, YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WIFE WAS UP AND TELLING ME FIRST.  
TC: at least she’s a motherfucker what can’t abide the slime that sticks to filthy deeds.  
GA: My Wife  
TC: WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU REPEATING ME FOR, YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WIFE!  
GA: Oh My God  
GA: My Wife Said She Was False  
TC: are you not understanding the motherfucking word?  
TC: YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WIFE, MOTHERFUCKING IAGO.  
GA: If She Says So May Her Pernicious Soul Rot As Slowly And Painfully As Possible For Every One Of Her Lies  
GA: Desdemona Was Too Fond Of You Her Most Filthy Bargain  
TC: honk. >:o(  
GA: Do Your Worst  
GA: This Deed Of Yours Is No More Worthy Heaven Than You Were Worthy Her  
TC: SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP.  
GA: You Dont Have Half The Power To Harm Me As I Have To Withstand Hurt  
GA: You Ignorant Idiot  
GA: I Dont Care About Your Sword Ill Make You Known Though I Lose Twenty Lives  
GA: Help Help Help  
GA: The Indigoblood Has Killed My Mistress  
GA: Murder  
Enter Montano [GC], Gratiano [AA], and Iago [AG] with others.  
GC: WH4T 1S TH3 M4TT3R? HOW NOW, G3N3R4L?  
GA: Oh Are You Here Iago  
GA: You Have Done Well That Men Must Lay Their Murders On Your Neck  
AA: whats wrong?  
GA: Iago Disprove This Villain If You Be A Woman  
GA: He Says You Told Him Desdemona Was Cheating On Him But I Know You Didnt  
GA: Even You Wouldnt Be So Low  
GA: Speak For My Heart Is Full  
AG: What? I just told him what I thought. It’s not my fault that he totally jumped to conclusions.  
GA: Did You Tell Him She Was False  
AG: Yeah.  
GA: You Told A Lie  
GA: An Odious Damned Lie  
GA: Did You Say She Cheated On Him With Cassio  
AG: Yes, with Cassio. Now shut the fuck up!  
GA: I Will Not I Am Bound To Speak  
GA: My Mistress Here Lies Murdered In Her Bed  
GC: OH MY GOD  
GA: And Its Your Lies That Set The Murder On  
TC: dont be motherfuckin staring, it’s all true.  
AA: its a strange truth  
GC: WH4T 4 MONSTROUS 4CT!  
GA: I Cant Believe This  
GA: This Is Horrendous  
GA: Villainy  
AG: Yeah, okay, shut up and go home!!!!!!!!  
GA: No  
GA: I Am Not Obeying You Any Longer  
GA: Perhaps I Will Never Go Home  
TC: HONK! >:oO  
Falls on the bed.  
GA: Yes Go Ahead Lie Down And Honk  
GA: You Have Killed The Sweetest Innocent That Ever Lifted Up Eyes  
TC: she was motherfuckin foul.  
Rises.  
TC: I HARDLY MOTHERFUCKING KNEW YOU, AUNT.  
TC: there’s your motherfuckin niece, whose breath these hands up and motherfuckin stopped.  
TC: I MOTHERFUCKING KNOW IT’S TEN KINDS OF MOTHERFUCKING HORRIBLE AND GRIM.  
AA: poor desdemona  
AA: im glad her fathers dead  
AA: he just couldnt handle the marriage and died of grief  
AA: if he saw this now he would probably go crazy and become evil  
TC: it’s motherfucking pitiful is what it is.  
TC: BUT IAGO MOTHERFUCKING KNOWS SHE AND CASSIO FUCKED A THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING TIMES.  
TC: cassio confessed it and she motherfucking returned his motherfucking amorous works with the sign of love i gave her.  
TC: I SAW THE MOTHERFUCKING HANDKERCHIEF IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING HANDS.  
GA: Oh Heavenly God  
AG: Sh8t th8 h8ll 8p!  
GA: I Will Not  
GA: Let Heaven And Men And All Devils Cry Shame Against Me I Will Still Speak  
AG: G8 h8m8!  
GA: No  
Iago draws and threatens Emilia.  
AA: hey watch it!  
GA: You Stupid Indigoblood  
GA: That Handkerchief You Keep Talking About I Found By Chance And Gave To My Wife Because She Had Been Persistently Asking Me To Steal It  
AG: Y8u wh8r8!!!!!!!!  
GA: She Didnt Give It To Cassio  
GA: I Found It And Gave It To My Wife  
AG: Y8u d8rty f8ck8ng l8ar!!!!!!!!  
GA: I Am Not  
TC: are you motherfucking serious.  
TC: YOU MOTHERFUCKIN FILTHY UNDERHANDED MOTHERFUCKIN VILLAIN!  
Othello runs at Iago but is disarmed. Iago stabs Emilia.  
AA: shes falling!  
AA: she killed her wife!  
GA: Please  
GA: Lay Me By My Mistresss Side  
Exit Iago.  
AA: welp shes gone  
AA: and her wifes killed  
GC: ‘T1S 4 NOTOR1OUS V1LL41N.  
GC: T4K3 TH1S W34PON WH1CH 1 R3COV3R3D FROM TH3 1ND1GOBLOOD 4ND GU4RD TH3 DOOR FROM W1THOUT. K1LL H1M R4TH3R TH4N L3T H1M P4SS.  
GC: 1’LL GO 4FT3R 14GO MYS3LF.  
Exit all but Othello and Emilia.  
TC: …  
TC: i KnOw I aIn’T bEiNg VaLiAnT nO MoRe, BuT eVeRy PuNy MoThErFuCkEr WhAt Is GeTtInG mY sWoRd.  
TC: bUt WhY sHoUlD hOnOr OuTlIvE mOtHeRfUcKiN hOnEsTy? LeT iT aLl Go.  
GA: What Did Your Song Bode Lady  
GA: Can You Hear Me  
GA: I Will Play The Swan And Die In Music  
GA: Indigoblood She Was Chaste  
GA: She Loved You Cruel Indigoblood  
GA: So Comes My Soul To Bliss As I Speak True  
GA: So Speaking As I Think I Die  
Dies.  
TC: I hAvE aNoThEr WeApOn In ThIs MoThErFuCkInG rOoM, a SwOrD aLl BeInG bRoUgHt FrOm SpAiN aNd TeMpErEd In An IcY bRoOk.  
TC: HeRe It Is.  
TC: AuNt, I gOt To Be MoThErFuCkIn CoMiNg FoRtH.  
AA: if you attempt it youll regret it  
AA: you dont have a weapon  
TC: tHeN cOmE iN hErE aNd MoThErFuCkInG tAlK wItH mE, oR i’Ll Be AsSaUlTiNg YoU mOtHeRfUcKiNg UnArMeD aS i Am.  
Enter Gratiano [AA].  
AA: what is it?  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS, i HaVe A wEapOn AfTeR aLl, ThE bEsT sWoRd A sOlDiEr CoUlD eVeR mOtHeRfUcKiN hAvE.  
TC: mAn, I’vE sEeN tHe DaY wHeN jUsT mE aNd ThIs SwOrD cOuLd Be FiGhTiNg ThRoUgH tRoLlS tWeNtY tImEs ThE sIzE oF yOu.  
TC: BuT tHeRe’S nOtHiN tO bE mOtHeRfUcKiN aFrAiD oF nOw.  
TC: I’m At My MoThErFuCkIn JoUrNeY’s EnD. aIn’T nOwHeRe FoR oThElLo To Be GoInG nOw.   
TC: Oh, DeSi, My GiRl…  
TC: CoLd? :o(  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN wHiP mE aNd SeNd Me DrOwNiNg In LiQuId FiRe!  
TC: DeSdEmOnA dEaD!  
TC: hOnK! :o(  
Enter Ludovico [AC], Cassio [CA] in a stretcher, Montano [GC], and Iago [AG], with Officers.  
AC: :33 < where is this unfurtunate troll?  
TC: tHaT’s He WhAt WaS mOtHeRfUcKiNg OtHeLlO. hErE i Am.  
AC: :33 < and wheres that viper?  
AC: :33 < bring her forward  
TC: MaN, i ThOuGhT yOu WeRe BeInG a DeViL, bUt I’m NoT SeEiNg AnY mOtHeRfUckInG cLoVeN fEeT.   
TC: sTiLl, If YoU aRe, ThEn I cAn’T mOtHeRfuCkIn KiLl YoU.  
Wounds Iago.  
AC: :33 < take his sword!!!  
Othello is disarmed.  
AG: Whatever asshole, I'm 8leeding but I'm not killed.  
TC: I aIn’T eVeN mOtHeRfUcKiNg SoRrY.  
TC: i’D hAvE yOu LiVe, In My WoRlD iT’s HapPiNeSs To DiE.   
AC: :(( < oh othello  
AC: :33 < what are we going to do with you?  
TC: WhAtEvEr ThE mOtHeRfUcK yOu WaNt.  
AC: :33 < this wretch confessed her villainy  
AC: :33 < did the two of you agree to kill catsio?  
TC: yEaH.  
CA: general wwhy  
CA: i nevver gavve you cause  
TC: I kNoW, i MoThErFuCkInG aSk YoUr PaRdOn.  
TC: bUt WhY tHe HeLl WaS tHaT dEmIdEvIl EnSnArInG mY mInD aNd MoThErFuCkInG bOdY lIkE tHiS?  
AG: Ask alllllllll you want, I’ll never tell.  
AG: From this point on Iago’s lips are sealed.  
AC: :33 < not even to purray?  
AA: torture should do the trick  
TC: mOtHeRfuCkInG dO yOuR bEsT.  
AC: :33 < sir just so you know  
AC: :33 < heres some letters we found in the pockets of roderigo   
AC: :33 < one says for roderigo to kill catsio  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN vIlLaIn!  
AC: :33 < heres another one that it seems he meant to sent to iago  
AC: :33 < but i guess he ended up talking to her instead  
TC: CaSsIo.  
TC: HoW dId YoU gEt ThE hAnDkErChIeF tHaT wAs My MoThErFuCkInG wIfE’s?  
CA: i found it in my room  
CA: iago said just a minute ago that she dropped it there for her owwn special purposes  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn FoOl! >:o(  
CA: rods letter also talks about howw iago made him attack me wwhen i wwas on the wwatch  
CA: you knoww the night i wwas demoted  
CA: evven after bein dead he speaks  
CA: sayin iago hurt him  
CA: iago set him on  
AC: :33 < othello youre going to have to leave this room and come with us  
AC: :33 < from now on catsio is governer in cypurrus.   
AC: :33 < as for iago if theres any cunning cruelty that can torment her much and hold her long its hers  
AC: :33 < othello youre going to be a purrisoner until we can get you to venice in front of the duke  
AC: :33 < come on lets go  
TC: OkAy, JuSt A mOtHeRfUcKiN sEcOnD tHoUgH.  
TC: I’vE dOnE tHe StAtE sOmE sErViCe, I’m KnOwInG tHaT. wHeN yOu WrItE aBoUt Me AnD tHeSe MoThErFuCkInG uNlUcKy DeEdS, sPeAk Of Me As I mOtHeRfUcKiNg Am.   
TC: DoN’t MoThErFuCkInG eXaGgErAtE nOtHiNg Or SpEaK iN mAlIcE. tAlK aBoUt OnE wHo LoVeD nOt WiSeLy, BuT tOo MoThErFuCkInG mUcH, wHo ThReW aWaY lIkE a MoThErFuCkInG fOoL tHe MoSt PrEcIoUs ThInG hE hAd, WhOsE eYeS bE dRiPpInG tEaRs LiKe mOtHeRfUcKiNg GuM fRoM a TrEe.  
TC: AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg SaY tHaT iN aLePpO oNcE, wHeRe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg TuRk BeAt A vEnEtIaN aNd InSulTeD tHe StAtE, i ToOk HiM bY tHe ThRoAt AnD eNdEd HiM – tHuS.  
Stabs himself.  
AC: :OO < oh no!  
AA: everything tonight is just awful  
TC: dEsI, i KiSsEd YoU bEfOrE i KiLlEd YoU. nO wAy BuT tHiS, kIlLiNg MySeLf, To DiE uPoN a MoThErFuCkInG kIsS.  
Dies.  
CA: aww man i wwas afraid he wwould do that  
CA: i didnt think he had a wweapon  
CA: he wwas great a heart though  
AC: :33 < well iago  
AC: :33 < look at this bed! look whos on it!  
AC: :33 < this is all your fault  
AC: :33 < gratiano watch over the house  
AC: :33 < as desdemonas aunt you inherit it  
AC: :33 < and to you governor catsio remains the decision of how to torture this hellish villain  
AC: :33 < as for me  
AC: :33 < i guess ive got some bad news to take back to venice

Exeunt.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it, my fine friends! As of now there are no further plays in the foreseeable future - I've got a couple other projects I'd like to work on, and with any luck I'll have a full-time job soon as well. But thanks for going on this wild ride with me! I'm sure the Bard would be proud.
> 
> <3


End file.
